Tasha's Daily Reed

And as I cast my eyes round about, that perhaps I might discover my family

2010-07-30T00:39:00.000-06:00

Warning... This post has the potential of being umm HEAVY! I probably should not post late at night but today's events are just the tip of the iceberg that has been building for years.

Tonight I found out on facebook that my sweet great niece was life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital after an accident at a public swimming pool. I was heart broken to find out this way, but I realize I should not be surprised. I have spent most my life feeling like I was on the outside looking in on a world I wanted to be a part of but never felt a part of. (Except for the nightmare parts) Did that make any sense?

Let me explain....

I grew up in a home where life was hard. We were poor and troubled. As early as 2nd grade I can remember staying late at school helping my teacher, Mrs Clark, clean out her closets. (that maybe where my obsession with school supplies came from). I did not like going home. There was lots of yelling and hitting and inappropriate touching.
In third grade I remember being evicted from our home. I do not remember where my older brother and sister lived, but I lived with a friend, Jeannie Jacobson. I remember trying to be so brave and not worried that I would never live with my family again. I remember one saturday night trying to put my hair in curlers. I had this great set of curlers my Aunt Mary gave me (or atleast I thinks she did)! It had like 5 sizes and they were all stacked inside each other. Jeannies mom asked if she could help me put the curlers in my hair. I lied to her and told her I did my own hair all the time. (the truth was I screamed bloody murder whenever anyone washed or combed my hair and here I was trying to do it myself. maybe this is where I learned to be embarrassed at excepting help) My younger sister and brother lived with my parents in a motel room.
I don't remember how long we were apart, but when you are 7 or 8 anything more than a night or two seems forever. Since that time I have always felt like an outsider in my own family.

I have these amazingly beautiful cousins, they are at least 4 years older than I am but I worshipped them. Sherrie, Jenny, Lori and Lydia. When we hd family reunions they were the teenagers and I was one of the little kids. I wanted to be just like them. Again on the outside looking in.

When I was 11 or so I started watching my Aunt Mary's cute kids. Next to my Grandma, Aunt Mary has always been my hero. Again though I was the outsider just watching her family, wishing to be a part of it.

When I was 11 I also went to my first foster home. I remember wanting to be with my Grandma or Aunt Mary but couldn't. I was once again the outsider looking in. I love the Witts and am so grateful for all they taught me. I am grateful for the sacrifices they made for me, for the love they gave me and for the way they strengthened my tiny testimony.

I was allowed to go home 6 months later. My dad spent one night in jail, I spent 6 months away. Although I am old enough now to know I did not do anything wrong, back then I was sure everything was my fault.
I had learned to feel safe at church, and went as often as I could. It caused serious problems at home and my Dad told me I had to choose between my church and my family. My Mom told him to leave. This made me feel even more like I didn't belong. I remember everyone being mad.

A few years later my mom had a boyfriend who was inapproriate with me. My mom was drunk and didn't believe me. The next night he wanted to take our family to dinner and a rated R movie. No way was I going. My mom was so mad. She told me I could leave. She told me my religion was more important than my family and I was not welcome anymore. I was sure she was drunk, they all left and I stayed home. The next day all my stuff was packed. she was obviously not as drunk as I thought she was. I called my friend Stephen who called his friend David who called his Mom and they said I could stay at their house. I stayed that night and never left.

I know I made their life hard. Thou they never complained. Yet even almost 30 years later I still feel like the outsider looking in. Wanting so much to be a part of their lives but not quite comfortable enough to jump in.

So I guess I should not be surprised that facebook is my source of information for all things family. It is the epitomy of wanting to be a part but not feeling a part.

side note I cut this post short because my daughter had an emergency that needed to be attended to... we might revisit this topic later

Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience 1 Thes 1:3

2010-07-05T09:51:00.001-06:00

I am a week late in posting this blog... and I did it on purpose!
:o)

Krysta's birthday was last Monday. Part of her story is that she was a week late, and I was miserable! She has asked every day if her post was done... I would tell her "I am working on it".

These two seemingly opposite character traits (tardiness and anxiousness) have been with Krysta from the very beginning. Her story actually starts the day Daniel was born. Earl's parents came to the hospital to see DJ (their name for Dan) Earl was walking them to the elevator and Earl's mom said to Earl "there is a little girl up there for you and she wont be waiting very long!" When Earl came back and told me this (it was less than 12 hours after giving birth to our 2nd son) I was irritated! Ok maybe more that irritated.

If you read Dan's story than you know I was pretty sick with him, and the delivery was in the dark. Since I had so many issues the Doctor to extra care after the delivery to see that my health was getting better. I had my regular 6 week check up and was feeling much better, but to be safe he wanted to see me in 6 more weeks. There was a lot going at that time and my 2nd six week check up became a 10 week check up. Dr. John asked how I was feeling and I remember telling him "better than I have in a whole year". He said "oh good, cause you are doing this all over again". I said "yeah in a few years I will". His reply "no, now!" I was so confused, and I guess he could tell cause he said "You are pregnant again!" I remember bursting into tears, how could this happen! I was taking birth control pills, Earl had been out of town, I had started back to work, we had our anniversary night together that was it! How could I be pregnant. I had this little exchange with him and he assured me he had the lab test the "sample" twice and they did a blood test too just to make sure.

So here I was 22 years old with a 2 year old a 4 month old and pregnant!
I think I cried myself to sleep every night for a week. How was I going to do this, how could I take care of my 2 boys, work and go thru another pregnancy. Devastated was not even close to the way I felt. What would people say about me too. (I was voted most likely to have 2.5 children by our 5 yr high school reunion, and here I was...)

As time went buy (and I realized this was happening whether I was ready or not, I wanted a large family, 10 or 12 would have been just fine for me, just not one right after the other) I started to get excited for this baby.
I noticed one thing right away... I was pregant and I hadn't thrown up once! I was changing poopy diapers without throwing up. I could cook and not throw up! I was going to work, shopping, church and not throwing up! I thought something was wrong so I went back to the doctor just to check. By this time I was far enough along to hear her heartbeat. Dr. John was known for knowing boys and girls just by the rate of the heartbeat. When he said it was a girl I was smitten. Who knew you could love someone so much only having heard their heartbeat. I remeber being on cloud 9 from then on.

It was my easiest preganancy! After Dan I needed that. I never threw up, I never passed out, not one headache! I was so loving being pregnant! I loved being able to feel her growing and moving (and she did a lot of moving). I was so anxious to see this little gal, to meet her, to tell her all about who she was named after. We originally had chosen Sarah Lydia she would be named after 2 grandmas. Two amazing women! (Sarah Lydia was the name we had chosen for Marcus if he was a girl, we never changed)
I had so many plans for a little girl.

January came along and Earl's work changed insurance. I found out I could not see Dr. John with our new insurance, for the first time since I found out I was expecting I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I didn't want to go thru a pregancy, even one as simple as this one was going, without him! He knew me, he had sacrificed for me. I remember my first visit to the HMO. We had to do our own urine strip tests, we didn't see a doctor we saw a nurse or midwife, who did little more than check our blood pressure, make sure there was a heartbeat and send us on our way. You never saw the same person when you went in either. It was always a new person. I hated it, I felt nervous and unsettled the rest of the pregancy.

Over the couse of the next few months there were several little ones born to friends and family... and a lot of them were named Sarah. we started thinking our choice of names. I had a good friend from elementary to high school who had a big sister I just idolized. Kari was my friend and Krista was her big sister. Krista was cute and skinny and talented and spritual and I had always loved her and her name. Since Earl won on names for the first son he let me win on names for the first girl. so we changed our name choice to Krysta Michelle. Michelle was after my sister twin (she is a whole post of her own)

Krysta was due June 21st. As June drew near I was starting to get uncomfortable. It had to be the hotest June ever! Dan was still not walking so I was carrying a 20 lb baby everywhere too. At work there were 4 of us pregant and due right around the same time. (3 of us were swing managers and one was trainer I was working at McDonalds). The daytime managers thought it was hysterical to put all of us on the front conter during the busy lunch rush! (dumb boys) I was ready to meet this little wiggly thing and be done with being pregnant.

On June 21st I started having some pretty intense contractions while at work. I remember Phil (the manager on duty, single guy about 19 or 20 years old) totally freaking out. He called Earl to come get me, then told me to sit in the back with my legs crossed. (yeah that will work)
When we got to the doctors office (with the new insurance you had to go to the doctors office to see if you were really in labor) they were packed with people and we waited for a long time. While sitting there waiting the contractions stopped! Two nights later the contractions started again. Since it was late we could go to the insurance company's hospital, I was there for over an hour waiting for someone to see us. When it was finally my turn, I was told I was not progressing so I should go home until I was.
The next morning Earl called Dr John for advice. I was only 3 days over but I was nervous. He told us to plan an epidural and then the insurance company would let us go to a different hospital. He had privileges at Holy Cross and could be there to help. On the 28th I woke up early to get ready to go to the temple for a friends wedding. The contractions started again but I wasn't about to be told to go home so I tried to ignore them. After a soak in the tub and not being able to get out Earl won. I was going to the doctor. We had to stop at the doctor's office to confirm I was in labor. They took one look at me and I got to be first to see a midwife.
She asked Earl which pregnacy this was and when he told her the 4th she handed him a whole box of those pads they put under you to absorb water and other fluids, and said "put these on the seat and floor of the car. I hope you make it to the hospital"! It was 11:30 am on a friday! We were on 21st S and Redwood Rd and had to get to I think 10th S and 9th E. We made record time. When we got to the hospital Earl called Dr John. he was in another delivery at a different hospital. We met our midwife and I was terrified, I just had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right. It was now 12:00 and the epidural man was doing his job, but so was Krysta. The nurse called the midwife into the room because she was coming. As she came out the umbilical chord was wrapped around her twice.
The midwife just kind of stood there. I don't remember a lot of what happened in the room at that moment. I remember the nurse leaving the room and Earls face draining of all color and then Earl and I both being sprayed with blood. I remember the room going white and then waking up in a another room.

Krysta was born at 12:28 pm weighing a wopping 8 lbs 6 oz and 21 inches.
She was wiggly and pale, and stole our hearts. Especially her Daddy's! She has been his little girl ever since!

Here we are 19 years later with our Krysta Michelle, she has never stopped wiggling, she is still late and still in a hurry for everything. We love her. She is a lot of work but a lot of rewards too.

And the woman bare a son... Judges 13:24

2010-06-12T13:19:00.004-06:00

Happy Birthday Marcus. Miracle #1

22 years ago (yesterday) I had a baby boy! It was the start of motherhood!
Who knew it would be such a wild ride.

When I got pregnant with Marcus I wasn't "trying" but we weren't avoiding it either.
Earl was 27 when we got married, and all though I was just a baby he wasn't getting any younger. :o)

Needless to say Marcus was a honeymoon baby. We started out marriage with me tossing my cookies and passing out. I am sure Earl wondered what he had gotten himself into.
Toast, cooking eggs, car exhaust, cologne just about anything I could smell would cause me to lose it.

side note We were married in August and I found out at the end of october that I was pregnant. We were so excited. I only ever wanted to be a mom!

I remember going to the doctor and being terrified. (please note that from the time I was 15 til I got married I could probably count all my "cycles" on one hand, so using that as a judge was not an option for me)
I remember my doctor (he was new to me, His nme was Dr Nelson, but we have come to call him Dr. John) asking me when my last cycle was. I said I think it was April but it could have been March and he said... YOU ARE JUST NOW COMING TO THE DOCTOR?!!
The Dr left, the nurse came in, gave me the CUP, and pointed to the "room".
20 minutes later they came in and said yep your pregnant. (I had done an in home and had a good idea) They listened for a heart beat, measured my belly and told me I was probably do late April or May. I remember saying um can that be right, I didn't get married until August! The nurse said "you don't have to be married to get pregnant".
I remember being angry and thinking I am never coming back here, I said to her... I DO! I remember Dr John getting a big smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, and he said what day did you get married. I told him and he said ok, lets set your due date for June 12th. That was 9 months and 2 weeks to the day I got married.

In November we were at the Tabernacle for Region conference. I had a horrible back ache (not hard to get on those benches) and needed to go to th girls room. The closest restroom was in another building. I told Earl I would try to be back before the conference started. (please understand Earl is early for EVERYTHING, so we had been sitting for a long time). When I reached the restroom there was the ususal "line". When it was my turn I was not prepared for what happened next.
I had started spotting and I had no idea what to do. I wanted my mom and big sisters. I remember starting to sob, and since there was a line.... someone finally asked me if I was ok and I explained. She had me come lay on the couch that was provided for nursing mothers... then she went to get help. Pres Hunter called my husband out of the meeting (which had started) and told him to meet his wife at the visitor center. Meanwhile some of the biggest MALE security guys were invading the ladies room. An ambulance was called and my first ambulance trip followed. Earl reached the visitor center as they were wheeling me out. He had to go get the car and meet us at the hospital. We found out that day that my placenta had attached near the bottom of the uterus, a condition they called placenta previa. They told me it could be worse and that I just needed to be more careful than most pregnant moms.
No lifting, no long walks, no sitting on hard benches for hours to get the good seats :o) and working was to be shorter shifts. I was so bummed I had just gotten a new fulltime job at a cute card shop. It required heavy lifting and long hours standing.
I had a couple more spotting episodes and passed out a few more times and threw up a lot more times, but we were so excited.
Then on June 11th my sister Paula and here family were at my mom and dad's painting. They were trying to get it done before my Mom got home from youth conference. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the bath tub and my sister says to me... "are you in labor?" I looked at her like she was crazy. I said no, and she said "why are you scrubbing the tub then?" duh it needed to be done. an hour or so later I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said are you in labor. I said NO! and she said are ya sure every 7 minutes you breathe funny! I thought everyone was stupid! I had a horrible backache, and I was crabby but I was not having contractions. I was the pregnant one, I think I would know if I was in labor. After another hour of people discussing me, I finally agreed to go to the hospital just to be checked. I knew I would be coming home. I wouldn't even let Earl bring the bag into the hospital. I was ticked. I complained about everyone and everyting all the way there. I kept telling the nurse how my family forced me to come in, she just smiled and said lets check things out. At about 3 o'clock she said. I think we are going to have a baby today! I remember rolling my eyes.
At about 5 o clock all my mom's showed up at the hospital (that's another post).
At 6 I got an epidural and everyone decided to go get some dinner. At 7 the doctor came and checked in on me. He said you are only at a 6. I am going to join my family for dinner, my daughter graduated yesterday, then I will be back. At 7:30 I said I need to push, the nurse oh you probably just need to go to the bathroom. At 8 I said um no I need to push. She said (in that ok, you have no idea what you are talking about, but i will humor you voice) ok i will just check and see how you are doing, I am sure where you were only a 6 an hour ago it will be a while before you can push. She checked, then went to the door and said to someone else could you call Dr. Nelson and the on call doc. She came back and showed Earl what to do to help me, and then said can you wait a few til the doctor gets here. At 8:30 Dr John was back. At 9:30 Dr John said this isn't working we are going to need some help. Your hips are this big and he shows his hands hip width apart, your baby's head is this big and he stretched his arms as far as they could go. He came back with another doctor and what Earl calls the salad spoons.
At 10:19 pm a screaming baby boy who looked just like a little man was born. weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz and 22 inches long. He was long and skinny and perfect, and worth all the effort.

Marcus, I love you! You are an amazing young man. You have a lot of people who love and admire you. You are a lucky young man. I love your sense of humor and your big mushy heart.
Thanks for letting me be The Mom!

For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: 1 Sam 1:27

2010-06-12T10:22:00.008-06:00

I am a bit late on this post but you know me (see previous post)

June 6th is a BIG day at our house. It is the day I had twins 3 years apart. (that was a phrase my dad and grandpa used to describe them and it has stuck)

I decided this year to honor them by sharing the stories of how they came to be.

Since Daniel accused Katee of hijacking his birthday, I will tell his story first.

Daniel would be my hardest pregnancy EVER. I had a hard time getting pregnant with him (we had lost a baby after Marcus and the doctor thought trying again would help)
So after months of daily temperature taking and pill popping I finally got pregnant. then came the daily puking and passing out and dehydrating and IV therapy. Oh yeah pregancy was a JOY (i was never listening to a doctor AGAIN, I should have been smart enough to know that is how they make their money! One day Earl took me to Madison Memorial for IV therapy (for those who don't know what that is they hook you up to an IV to rehydrate you, I laid there for hours while they pumped fluids in me so i could go home and pee and puke all night and do it all over the next day)
On this particular morning we had a hard time finding a sitter for Marcus, we had had a problem with the car and then to top it off the heplock (i think that is what it is called) needed to be moved. (Remember I am dehydrated, pregant and sleep deprived) It took 4 nurses and 2 doctors before they finally found a vein. Earl was a couple hours late for work and frustrated. Instead of going to work he called his folks to come move us home. Earl packed while his parents traveled. He was late coming to pick me up from the hospital and I was an emotional mess (I know when haven't I been). When he picked me up his parents were already on the road with our stuff. I was attending Ricks College at the time and he never even withdrew me from school (he figured it was no big deal since I had been to sick to attend class for quite a while, but most my teachers were pretty sympathetic and tried to help).
We moved home to Salt Lake and although I still threw up almost every day it finally got some what better. Then March hit. I started having these horrible headaches. I couldn't stand sound or light or touch or smell. All things that are hard to avoid when you already have a preschooler in the house. My doctor was quite worried he could see the stress I was under physically but what wasn't really known was the stress it was causing the baby. I was having ultrasounds weekly. Dan wasn't due until June 21st. We still had a long way to go. Dr John told me if I cold endure it until May they would see if the baby was developed enough to deliver early. In May we had an amnio done (that is where they insert a LARGE needle into the the uterus and take some of the amniotic fluid and analyze it, i don't know if they even still do it) the news was not good. Dr John said no way was he ready to be delivered. There would be too many complications. He said we would try again in a couple weeks.
Meanwhile they still kept soing ultrasounds and other tests. I showed no signs of high blood pressure or any other known pregnancy complications. On June 1st we had another amnio done. It was a friday, the answer still no. On June 4th we had another done, they didn't normally do one that soon but he had a feeling.It was late on the 4th when the test was done and we knew we would not get results back until the next after noon. On June 5th Dr John cancelled his appointments and spent the day in the temple. He knew at that time that his choices were the mom or the baby. When he finished a couple sessions at the temple he called for the results. He called us and said that the baby could be delivered at any time and may have a few complications but nothing serious. He scheduled me a room at the hospital and asked us to come right now! We got to the hospital at 6:30 in the evening. He did not feel I was physically able to handle major surgery and felt that inducing labor was the best bet. For the next 8 hours we would live mostly in the dark again puking my guts out. At 3 am on wednesday June 6th Dr John came in and said lets get this baby out. (I am sure the nurse was GRATEFUL, I know she hated me, I had given her too much to clean up) at 3:15 at LDS hospital, with one light at the end of the bed set up so the doctor could see what he was doing, I was given the ok to push. I of course had an epidural and pushing isn't so easy when you are numb, so my irritated nurse gave one good push on my belly and no lie there he was. An 8 lbs 8 oz, 21 inch long screaming mad baby boy who looked just like his grandma Reed was plopped on my belly... and you guessed it I threw up yet again! I am grateful to say the puking has stopped and for the most part the headaches ;o)

Dan is and always has been mischievous. He has always had a mind and a will of his own. He has always been a happy helper. He has always been a tease! He has always been determined. He is smart and talented and a JOY to have in our family.

Katee's turn....

Katee is our miracle baby number 4!

After Krysta was born I was told that I had too many babies to close together and my falopian tubes were too scarred to be able to get pregnant again... silly me I believed them (I didn't have Dr John for Krysta's pregnacy cause we had a different insurance)

I was about 4 months along when I found out I was pregnant with Katee. (don't judge me without knowing my medical history, if I counted "cycles" I had since I was 15 I probably wouldn't use all my fingers) I was so excited. I wanted Krysta to have a sister, but didn't think it was possible without lots of medical intervention ( I had forgotten who was really in charge). Her pregnancy was smooth sailing (if I ever threw up with her I must have thought it was the flu, it was the passing out that made me go to the doctor, and I only did it twice, not so with my other pregnancies)
Then February hit (pun intended). On February 17th we were headed to my brother in laws military graduation thingy. I had just taken my seat belt off to turn around and give a screaming toddler back her blankie, as I was turning back around I saw a yellow light and another car turning right into us! We were going about 40 mph and the person turning was just in the perfect place to hit right into us. I remember Krysta's car seat flying forward and slamming into the back of my seat. (btw i was a passenger not a driver) When we stopped I jumped out to see if Krys was ok. As I did I realized I was not! I had slammed tummy first into the dash board, I remember hitting my head on the front windshield but didn't worry about me, until I reached down to flip the seat forward to get to Krysta (the car was a 2 door) I had never felt a contraction like the one I experienced. I don't ever remember getting to Krysta, I just remember hitting the curb and then passing out. Next thing I knew people from the bank on the corner were putting pillows from their couch under me, then my parents showed up and the paramedics. My parents lived just around the corner, and the people from the bank had called them to come get the kids. They were fine and so was Earl other than having a few sore ribs from hitting the steering wheel.and a few cuts from broken glass. I remember the paramedics having a discussion about the safest way to transport me, and then being taken away in an ambulance. I was terrified, contractions while being strapped to a board are not easy to endure. I remember the look on the paremedics face everytime I had a contraction, I am pretty sure he had not delivered a baby and was certain he did not want to do it then either. when we reached the nearest hospital and they were certain nothing was broken (water included) they called my Dr John (we were so grateful to have insurance that we could see him with again) They explained to him that everything was intact EXCEPT I had a HUGE hematoma on my uterus (i know now that hematoma is a fancy way of saying bloodblister or bruise, mine was more like a blood blister). Dr John wanted me at a hospital where he could see me. My contractions had slowed but I was for sure still in premature labor!
So back in the ambulance I went, feet first, strapped to a board and traveling up the hills in Salt Lake's avenues. You guessed it ... I tossed my morning cheerios all over me and the paramedic. Dr John met the ambulance at the ER (isn't he the best Dr. EVER) I was strapped and/or plugged into every monitoring device LDS hospital could provide! After a few minutes they had the contractions almost gone, they had determined that the baby was fine and they had a new teaching case. Every med student in town was there. People, phones and books were everywhere (remember this was pre-full blown intenet) they were all trying to find information on similar cases. They knew both patients were stable, they knew Katee was too early to deliver but they didn't know what would happen if that blood blister were to burst.
After a couple days in the hospital they let me go home, with strict instructions that if the contractions started up again, I would get to the closest ER.
Dr John's goal was to not let me go into labor alone. So every week for the next 3 months I saw him, I saw the ultra sound techs and sat thru many hours of stress tests. Finally on June 4th Dr John said lets have a baby, she is developed enough to not have too many complications. I was given the choice of being induced that night, but it was my big brothers birthday and Sunday was Dano's birthday, so could we wait until Monday? No one knew what was going to happen when I actually went into labor so they wanted to be prepared for everything so Dr John agreed that monday would be the day. He would have the OR prepped and the Peds on call there (just in case) and well monday gave us all time to prepare. On sunday morning I woke up and got ready for church and started getting the kids ready. It was fast sunday and I was so excited to be going to church, I had so much to be grateful for. It was Dano's 3rd birthday and I had scored the toys he really wanted. Then the mother of all contractions hit! Oh my! My gut told me this was for real. We had 3 more weeks until she was due, but I knew this was it! We had no plans for the kids, the plans were for the next day. We quickly made calls to friends who came to get the kids and Dano's birthday cake and presents. Dano was mad. His grandpa was supposed to being coming for birthday cake, Grandpa Fillmore was his favorite.

Earl had called the ER at LDS hospital and let them know we were on our way, they took care of paging Dr John. We knew there could be complications and we had an amazing peditrician. He was an intern at a different hospital, but had another Dr who would come with him that had privileges at LDS so we felt ready, we just needed my dad for a blessing. When we reached the hospital and knew this was the real thing, no drugs to stop it this time, we called Dr. Bill (the pediatrician, so he would know things were getting started).
They decided to break my water so that they could get things moving faster (I guess it's safer for the baby to have some real labor rather then just go in for the C section). When they broke my water they found that Katee had already had a bowel movement and decided there was really no time to wait. Every possible scenario had been explored prior to my ever going into labor and it was as if everyone knew their job. One tech was just to monitor the blood blister, another was to monitor the condition of the uterus, another for the placenta, one just for the baby. I was kind of used to all the monitors by now but not all the people, talk about loss of dignity. After lots of cosultations it was decided to let me try to deliver naturally, and only do a C section if something started to go wrong. I think every person that worked in the hospital came in to see how things were going. It seemed like an endless stream.
Finally after several hours of labor Katelynn made her debut. Her heart rate was low, her breathing labored and her apgar score was I think only a 4. She was wisked away. No cry, no peeks, nothing! I was terrified. There was a flurry of people at the opposite end of the room with her, and then a flurry of activity at my end as the after birth was tearing from the same side of my uterus as the blood blister. I remember being just terrified. I remember shutting everyone and everything out as I prayed my most fervent prayer for everything to be ok! For her for me for everyone!

Here we are today, with a beautiful daughter who completes us all! She is Earl's competition, Daniel's birthday present, Marcus' fashion consultant and Krysta's sister. No longer 8 lbs 12 oz and 20 inches long she is a delight to have in our family!

Dano and Katee I love you!
I know this year there were lots of jokes and teasing about birthdays being hijacked... but I hope one day you truly embrace this unique gift.
Thanks for letting me be your Mom! I truly prayed to be able to have both of you, and I continue to pray for you.

I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance... Alma 34:33

2010-06-12T09:51:00.002-06:00

I REPENT!
In March of 2009 I posted a challenge on here...
I was to make a gift for the first 5 "commenters". DeAnn, Jessi, Denalee, Kandace and Sheri were the winners. For Jessi I knew what I wanted to do, for DeAnn I had an idea but needed to fine tune it. Kandace and Sheri are 2 of my adorable nieces who both were living far from home and I wanted to do something special but I didn't know what. Denalee, my sweet, amazing, inspirational, adorable and beautiful to the core cousin I had know idea what to do for her.
Well then life happened and I forgot. This last week at work I got thinking about it!
I still want to do this... so i hope you will forgive a forgetful mom and give me a few more months to do this. I have to rethink all my ideas. Jessi has graduated from high school so the idea I had for her wont work. DeAnn has a new calling so the idea so I must rethink her's too. Sheri has moved back home and Kandace will be home for the summer so they won't be needing a "don't miss home gift" and well Denalee is more my hero than ever... so hers has to be extra special. Especially since in all my forgetfullness I didn't help with the wig, that I REALLY wanted to help with.

an inspirational gift for you all... check out Denalee's new blog

and in Christ there should come every good thing. Moroni 7:22

2010-02-23T20:21:00.005-07:00

So my friend issued a challenge to list "100 things about me now". Katee did it too and so therefore I am expected to do it too. I can't let her down. So here it goes.

1. Tonight I am exhausted.
2. Tomorrow is going to come too soon.
3. Tomorrow Krysta starts her second semester of college
4. I am really proud of her
5. I wish I could be there with her.
6. I am never going to get used to my bi-focals
7. When did I get old enough to have bi-focals?
8. I miss my nieces in VA.
9. I miss my other nieces too.
10. I have really amazing nieces.
11. I love changes... usually.
12. I hate to move.
13. 100 is a lot.
14. I wish I could go visit my aunt in Texas.
15. I have a really incredible extended family.
16. I wish I could spend A LOT more time with them.
17. I am trying to learn how to reduce my stress level.
18. I hate choosing between going for a long drive and staying in the budget!
19. I hate budgets.
20. Balancing the family budget DOES NOT reduce my stress level.
21. Reading reduces my stress, but it doesn't get the chores done.
22. Having the chores undone causes me stress.
23. Strange cycle huh?
24. Katee and I planted flowers yesterday.
25. Playing in the dirt reduces my stress.
26. Trying to keep those flowers alive causes me stress :o)
27. I really wanna go to Canton, MO.
28. I think going to Canton would reduce my stress (as long as I didn't think about the budget)
29. Tonight Marcus made chocolate cake.
30. To take to work!
31. Marcus wants to be on Biggest Loser.
32. I think he could do it.
33. I miss Dano.
34. He needs a new roof.
35. Katee thinks she just broke her toe.
36. Really I am only on 36?
37. I love Sunday!
38. I could have a whole month of Sundays and not get tired of it.
39. I love to sing.
40. I wish I could sing like my cousins.
41. Right now I could really go for a 7 layer salad.
42. I love winter.
43. I love the snowstorms.
44. I love the quietness of winter
45. I love the whiteness.
46. Is that a word?
47. I love hot chocolate and a good book during a winter storm.
48. I love the smell of homemade bread.
49. I could use a Motrin right now.
50. YAY, halfway!
51. I love the book, Third Nephi!
52. I love how it feels to read scriptures, especially when my family is all home.
53. I love Christmas.
54. I love Easter.
55. I really want a treadmill.
56. I am tryimg to figure out when my baby grew up.
57. In 6 weeks she will be a senior.
58. What do ya do when your kids leave home?
59. Marcus needs an off button tonight.
60. He is tormenting his sister!
61. I hate feet.
62. I love hands.
63. What do you think that means about me?
64. I need to go to Costco and buy pineapple and strawberries.
65. I need to finish sorting thru boxes in the garage.
66. I need to paint my nails.
67. Tonight Marcus also needs a volume control.
68. I love Marcus.
69. My husband cannot give directions.
70. His poor little sister is lost looking for our house.
71. I love my husband.
72. His little sister may not if she finally gets here.
73. One day I wanna serva mission.
74. I'd love to serve a temple mission or a church history mission.
75. I love genealogy.
76. I really stink at the research part of it.
77. I love hearing my ancestors stories.
78. I learned that a line of my dad's genalogy goes back to 160 A.D.
79. His grandfather was a king in Finland
80. Growing up we had forgien exchange students from Finland.
81. Before we knew he genealogy...cool huh!
82. My sister in law found us.
83. I need to go change the sprinklers.
84. Hmm only 84!
85. I am nervous for work tomorrow.
86. We just moved to a new building.
87. There have been a few kinks to work out.
88. I didn't think this would be so hard.
89. My favorite drink is ice water.
90. My favorite fruit is bananas
91. My favorite vegetable is petite peas.
92. I am not a huge fan of meat.
93. My favorite breakfast food is strawberry crepes
94. My favorite dinner food is tacos
95. My favorite ice cream is vanilla.
96. My favorite boy is Marcus
97. My favorite kid is Dano.
98. My favorite daughter is Krysta
99. My favorite baby is Katee.
100. My favorite of all is Earl. :o)

MADE IT!!
Now it's YOUR turn.

But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole

2010-02-21T19:18:00.011-07:00

So I wonder if there will ever come a day when I hear these words. It seems like the last 8 months have been a big trial of my faith. Yet I do not seem to pass the test as this daughter did.

As a girl I have a vision of what the future would be and what life would be like. When I graduated from high school and went off to college I planned to graduate with a degree in early childhood education. I planned to put that degree to work at home. If I needed to work I could do it from home and be there for my kids. Well that didn't go as planned. In fact a lot of my life's plans didn't go as planned.

Here's the biggest hurdle for me ... getting over it!

When you set goals for your life and completing goals is how you have always defined your life. Where are you when at 42 those goals are all unfulfilled? Do my goals truly define me? Do my children define me? Does my job? My companion? My home? I thought they did. I thought they would.

I have spent the last 8 months reliving every mistake I ever made. Trying to decide which one took me so off course. Then it hit me, it wasn't my choices it was my faith. 15 years ago I made a choice I never truly had faith in. Since then I have not had the faith in myself to make choices. When it came to choices at work or in my church callings, those seemed easy. At work I just did what Jon, Lee and John told me to do, at church I knew the Priesthood leaders and the Lord would not let me go astray. In my life no such faith. Now I am in a place where I feel lost, confused and scared and wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch the hem of the Saviors robe and have him tell me I am whole.

What gives you the strength, faith and courage to make those hard choices?
What moves you to reach and grab "the hem" and KNOW that it will make you whole?

So this years journey ... FAITH TO MAKE ME WHOLE!

If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful. D&C 136:29

2009-12-28T12:58:00.004-07:00

Please bring on 2010 and the courage to get thru the last few days of 2009.

I feel truly blessed to have the family and friends I have who have been there to help thrua very trying and growing year.

Thank you all.

And it came to pass...

2009-09-13T21:32:00.003-06:00

I know a long time has passed since I last posted. Life has been a whirlwind and completely different than 3 months ago.

Earl survived his hernia surgery, did I tell you he was having it?

I missed my family reunion so I could take care of him, but I am not bitter ;o)

Dan is on his mission now! I am sure Ohio will never be the same.

Here is a link to the blog I am trying to keep up for him and a close friend.

http://likeuntomoroni.blogspot.com/

Second Krysta is off to SUU no pics of this event becasue she has the camera! :o(

Katee started 11th grade again no pics, so draw your own picture in your mind :o)

Mom had her surgery to remove her brain tumor, did I ever even tell you she had one?

Any way she was a model patient! She went in on Tuesday and was home by friday. We are so grateful for the prayers and fasting and KNOW that it is the reason she is doing so very well.

...In this life I shall have Joy... Moses 5:11

2009-06-28T00:30:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday Krysta!!!

18 reasons why I love Krysta!

1. Krysta has a tender heart

2. Krysta loves her family, brothers, sister, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great grandparents, great aunts and uncles etc, she loves them all

3. Krysta loves the gospel

4. Krysta keeps trying

5. Krysta loves her friends

6. Krysta usually loves to serve

7. Krysta is goal oriented

8. Krysta has the best smile

9. Krysta loves to take care of others (especially her grandpa, Cooper and Sophie)

10. Krysta keeps trying

11. Krysta is a great cook, and she is learning new stuff all the time

12. Krysta is learning to admit she has limitations and she cannot do it all

13. Krysta has a great respect for the priesthood (althougth sometimes she can be tough on a Bishopric and YM presidency)

14. Krysta is fun loving and tries not to take life to serious

15. Krysta loves her Heavenly Father

16. Krysta loves family reunions and the dry farm almost as much as her grandma and mom

17. Krysta is growing into a beautiful Young Adult

18. Krysta brings me JOY!

I love you Kritter Jam! Thanks for 18 years of great fun and a wealth of memories.
Here is to 18 more!!

... I will go and do...1 Nephi 3:7

2009-06-17T18:14:00.002-06:00

So it's here!

I have to admit I am not a "patient waiter". Marcus' denial of a mission call was a heartbreaker for me (and him) so when Daniels call was lost in the mail (granted had I known it was lost in the mail I would not have freaked out) I kind of freaked out!
All the horrible memories of Marcus' came flooding back and the thought, of 2 sons being rejected, was very real for me. I know where is my faith!

Anyway after a detour in mailing, his call has arrived. Daniel will leave August 12 to serve His Heavenly Father in the Ohio Columbus mission. I am way excited he is going to be in the states. That means I can send more treats! I know he was thinking exoctic, but that will have to wait for his mission when he is old and married :o)

Sorry no pics of the big event! Dan was in Idaho Falls and I was in Salt Lake when he opened it.
We have lots to do and a short time frame to do it in.

As a side note Krys leaves for college the same week, so if you do not see or hear from me in awhile it's cause I am getting 2 great kids ready for some amazing adventures!

You can follow Daniel on a blog I am putting together for his mission, "Like Unto Moroni" it should be up by the end of the week :o)

love ya all!

children are an heritage of the Lord Ps. 127:3

2009-06-13T17:23:00.004-06:00

Somwhere under this pile of cute little girls is my adorable oldest son Marcus! Words cannot describe the love I have for Marcus! I think he is AMAZING! Oh yeah I know he has faults, most of which he inherited from me, but nonetheless I still think he is amazing.

On June 11 at 10:19 pm he was (in his words) forced by big foreign metal objects out of his safe world into the cruel mortality. (yeah I know he its gets the drama queen from me too)

This year Marcus is officially responsible for all his actions. He can now go to Vegas with his cousins and gamble (wanna go Amy L, he has a few nickels).

I know I am late with this post, just like with the others (maybe I will get Krysta's posted on time)
Here are the 21 reasons why I love My Marcus!!

1. Marcus is funny! Holy cow he can be silly!

2. Marcus is GENEROUS! He learned this from his Grandpa Fillmre

3. Marcus is genuine, there is no hiding his feelings.

4. Marcus is compassionate, no one supports the under dog like Marcus does

5. Marcus is an amazing Home Teacher. I hope he has the faith one day to go again soon

6. Marcus takes care of me! It's ok Marc I will be ok, you can do things for you now!

7. Marcus is a collector of people, he loves people, unless you hurt his Mom, then you better watch out!

8. Marcus is an amazing cook, except when he tries to be Chef Ramsay, then I just end up with a broken blender and mushroom paste on the ceiling :o)

9. Marcus is a believer, right now he is pretending he is not, but a testimony like that cannot be gone for long!

10. Marcus is focused. He usually gets what he wants.

11. Marcus is a planner.

12. Marcus is responsible.

13. Marcus is honest.

14. Marcus is trustworthy.

15. Marcus is BIG and he makes me feel safe when he is around.

16. Marcus is charitable.

17. Marcus is serious about his politics. It makes me laugh.

18. Marcus is a big pushover. Just ask his sisters!

19. Marcus is committed, if he says he will do he will do it

20. Marcus is intelligent, he is smart and wise!

21. Marcus loves his family, all of them, even when he doesn't feel like he is a part of them.

Just look at him wth the cute little nieces.

Marcus Buddy, I know life has thrown you a curve (no pun intended) ball the last two years, and it has been a hard blow to deal with, but I have faith in you. You will be back on track before you know it. It's ok if your faith is shaken, I have some to spare. I know it's been awhile since you have had to lean on someone, but it's ok to lean on me for a little while 'til you feel you can be back on your own solid ground!

Thanks for 21 years of great memories! Thanks for being the practice child, thanks for forgiving all my mistakes. You have been amazing at learning how to be the best big brother ever, and letting me learn to be a mom!

I love you Boy!

....be fruitful... Genesis 1:28

2009-06-13T15:59:00.004-06:00

So June 6th is a big deal at our house, and this year it was a really big deal!!Daniel is our second son and he was literally pushed kicking and screaming into this world by one burley nurse at 3:48 a.m. on June 6th after 8 months and 2 weeks of the worst pregnancy I ever experienced. He was so worth it though! Dano turned 19 this year. In the tradition of greater friends before me here is my tribute to Dano (yeah I realize its a bit late, but its been a tough post to write)

19 reasons why I love Dano!
1. He has the best smile EVER, yep even better than his Dads
2. He is determined
3. He is patient, especially with me
4. He is fun loving an a big tease
5. He is a graceful dancer. I could watch him for hours and just be in awe the whole time
6. He does not waiver, I could learn from him
7. He is flaky and forgetful, only a mom can say that and get away with it
8. He forgives
9. He is handsome
10. He is smart, and he finally knows it
11. He is willing to admit when he is wrong, ok sometimes it takes some humbling
12. He repents, he changes and he does not hang on to regrets
13. He shares, especially with his little sister
14. He loves me, which is not an easy thing to do
15. He gives the BEST hugs EVER!
16. He loves the Lord
17. He has a plan
18. He wants to do what is right and good, really he does!
19. He is mine! Ok He is Fathers but for a time I can say he is mine too!

Dano I love you! Thanks for teaching me so much over the last 19 years. Thanks for letting me practice being a mom on you and not remembering all the times I didn't do so well! You are the best my bud!

Well if you know us, you know Dan is not the only June 6th birthday we have! Katee chose to crash all the family plans for the Dans 3rd birthday. Coming quietly into our lives at a little past 6 in the evening, she won us all over with a heartbeat we were so grateful to hear. This year she is 16!!

So here are the 16 reasons why I love Katee

1. She is the best cuddler ever. She should be good at she has been practicing for 16 years :o)

2. She has eyes that melt my heart

3. She, like her twin brother, is determined

4. She loves me

5. She is a mama's girl

6. She has style, heaven knows her mom needs help here.

7. She is friendly to everyone (until they make her angry)

8. She has these great goals that she just loves to talk about

9. She has a tremendous love for the temple (thanks to Viki and Viki's Mom and Dad)

10. She makes our family complete, I think all of her siblings think of her as their best friend

11. She has this great laugh

12. She keeps me grounded

13. She loves the gospel

14. She reminds me of me at her age (wait that could be bad :o))

15. She pushes herself and isn't satisfied until she knows its her best!

16. She is focused and knows what is important and what is not.

I love you Squishy! Thanks for 16 great years of amazing memories. I cannot wait to see what this year brings, besides your first birthday apart!

The "special one" and the fashionista, I will let you decided who is who? :o)

...Have Faith and Doubt Not.... Mattew 21:21

2009-06-13T14:27:00.005-06:00

Here is my beautiful baby girl! Not so much a baby any more is she? This was Seminary Graduation Day. She has had some amazing Seminary Teachers. Her Idaho teachers were fill in dads for her. Brother Willden, Bro Johnson (who we found out at the END of the year, was her Dad's missionary companion) Bro Child and we cannot forget the INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING Sister Waite! (Sister Jemmett too, but she was not a teacher, she was just the glue that held the whole place together, you know the Secretary) In Utah she had Brothers Wardle, Scoville, Schmidt and Smith ! Thanks for being so amazing and loving her so much!

This was Krysta's Cheering section! Aunt Dea, Grandpa Reed, the beautiful Carrianne, Grandma & Grandpa Fillmore, the DELIGHTFUL Bobbi Sue (who came all the way from Idaho for a 2 hour ceremony) back row ...Dad, Our Ashley, Dano, Best Big Sister Konnie, Marcus, Katee and Katee's twin Silvana. Although they all did their best to cheer loudly, they could not compete with Krysta's extremely proud Mom! (not pictured but a big part of the 18 year cheer team aunts uncles cousins and friends! Not to mention the incredible teachers she has had, and who have put up with her! Miss Nan, Mrs. Fonger, Mrs. Ballesteros, Mrs. Anderson, Mrs. Hinckley, Mrs. Curtis, Miss Chase, Mrs. Cope, too many jr and high school teachers to name, but a special thanks to Mr. Peterson for not throwing her out the date she educated you on the sacrifices of our military! Thanks for being such a big part of her life! )

Krysta front and center!

Krysta and Bobbi! Best friend Sisters! It's probably a good thing we moved. I don't think Hillcrest could have handled these 2 together as seniors! :o)

Congratulations Kritter Jam! We are really proud of you! Don't second guess your decisions!

Put your faith in the Lord and move forward! It really is going to be a JOY TO BEHOLD!

Have FAITH and DOUBT NOT!!

..thou shalt rest... Dan 12:13

2009-05-30T07:50:00.006-06:00

Ok so this is how the week progressed.
(note I posted the pics out of order, Dano should have been on top)

Sunday morning 5:00 AM get up and leave for Idaho.

10:30 meet with Daniel's Stake President. (I don't think he know we lived in Utah, the shocked look on his face when he realized we traveled 368 miles for a 10 minute meeting told the story)
He was amazing. (My first "mother of a missionary interview" didn't go so well.) I was terrified to put myself thru that again. I had almost convinced myself to let Earl go alone. I am so grateful I pulled myself together. He laid all my fears to rest. Thanks Pres. Stevens.

11:00 Sacrament Meeting with a couple hundred of my favorite people, and Bishop Lords! (it used to be several hundred but they divided the ward, and the Porters, Bailey's, Ball's and a few others have moved)

12:20 A wonderful visit with Bishop Lords

1:00 A lovely lunch with Jaime and Kris and the kids. Thanks Jaime. You are the best.

2:30 back on the road to home.

Monday was Memorial Day and I originally had plans to take the girls and go to the cemetery but instead we spent the day weeding the back yard. Which if you have seen my back yard and know the fact that I am about the only one willing to pull a weed, you would understand the task at hand. Katee did help a lot and Earl pulled 2 that I could not get out. I actually plan a post about this later, because I need some input.

Tuesday was a long day at work. I knew I was going to be missing some time at work this week and I was already feeling the pressure because we were behind. So I stayed as late as I could and still stay focused. Then the rest of the night was spent going to what felt like a billion stores trying to find printer cartridges so we could get Krysta's graduation anouncements printed, envelopes addressed, etc.

Wednesday I worked half the day and spent the other half at the Huntsman Cancer Center with Marcus. Don't panic yet, it's probably nothing but his white cell count has been elavated for a couple years now and he has totally blown it off. When he eneded up earlier this month at the Urgent Care, having a severe anxiety attack over being laid off, the doctors said we really needed to have it checked. So over 4 hours spent at the cancer center, countless numbers of blood vials and a few good laughs later, we are told we have to wait a week for the results. oy!

After a long stressful afternoon, I had to stop and find more printer cartridges (don't believe it when it says it prints 60). I needed to unwind so spent the night (way too late at night) designing a mission blog for Dano and Wade. (launch date to be announced)

Note to self creating a blog is not a great way for me to unwind :o)

Thursday and Friday and tonight were and will be spent participating and viewing the "Come Up to the Mountain of the Lord" Temple Celebration. Can I just tell you it was amazing! I wish you all could see it. It has been a long 2 months and the perfectionist part of me is exhuasted and emotionally spent. I could kick myself for all the missed opportunities to teach my girls more about the temple. I could think of countless things I should have encouraged them to "give", but on Thursday at the dress rehearsal the overwhelming spirit of gratitude and peace was worth it all!
Thanks Kelly for being there for me, and to my girls for letting me be involved!

Marcus.. It's gonna be OK! We WILL fix the 407!!

Krittter..I can't believe it's time! ILY! I am proud of you!

Remember to lean on the Lord, and the rest of your life will be a JOY TO BEHOLD!

HAVE FAITH AND DOUBT NOT!!

Dano.. You CAN do this and it's going to be amazing! I miss you and I love you!

What will you "GIVE" to "Come Up"!

I love you my family and friends.

I hope to have a full post about the Temple Celebration sometime soon so you can see the final results, but I should warn what the week ahead holds!

Seminary Graduation, High School graduation, my BIG brother David's birthday, my little sister Sam's moving, driving to Idaho to hopefully open a mission call and last but certainly not least Dano's 19th birthday!!

Ok and Katee's 16th but I was hoping if I didn't bring it up, it wouldn't happen! :o)

faith dwelt first in thy grandmother...2 Timothy 1:5

2009-05-04T08:00:00.003-06:00

This is my sweet Grandma Trudy. She passed away a week ago. I wish I could say I am going to miss her but the truth is I have missed her for the last 30 years. I last saw my Grandma when I was 11. That is when I went to live in my first foster home.

When I was attending Ricks College I was taking a genealogy class. I decided to try and find my Grandma to see if she would help me with a project for class. I was thrilled to find out she missed me as much as I had missed her. I had one child at the time and it was so fun to get to tell her all the fun things he was learning. She made me the most beautiful afghan and sent lots of cards and letters. A few years later she had a surgery that put her in a care center. I hate to say we lost touch again. I was under the impression that she was unable to recall people and could not correspond.

I am grateful to believe that she is in a better place, where she can recall all the wonderful memories she wants.

I am grateful to my Aunt Pat and cousin Patti Jo for sharing these pictures with me. I only have one picture of her and I wish I had a scanner to post it. It's sooo cute. I am about 2 years old, Grandma and I are at park close to where she lived in California. We are feeding ducks and peacocks.

I remember lots of memories of my sweet Grandma, mostly revolvong around parks and her mobile home and rocks.

Grandma was tall and slender and had beautiful red hair.

I remember loving her freckles but she did not love them.

I remember she gave great hugs and let me take naps on her lap. I wish I would have taken the time to learn to knit and crochet from her. She was always working on something.

She always had a kind word and I knew she loved me.

This picture is courtesy of Norm. This was taken at Grandma's home in California. She let me water the rocks a lot, occassionally I got the flowers too. I also got to sleep in her big bed. (I don't know how big it really was, but when you are two everything is huge right)

You gotta love that I wore my shoes and socks but no pants in this picture.

I love you Grandma. One day I will see you again and we can feed the peacocks again, this time I won't be afraid.

Blessed is he who endures to the end.... Alma 38:2

2009-05-04T00:10:00.003-06:00

I realize I have been a bit "late" in posting my blessings list for the last month. Life has been a bit "crazy and confusing" lately.

Here is a short list to get me headed in the right direction.

1. Julie and Crystal, these two girls have been frantically training me on a new part of my job. They are/were pregnant. Julie had her baby 10 days ago and Crystal is trying not to have hers for another couple weeks. They have been patient and amazing. I really appreciate them.

2. Emily, she is a great boss. When I explained to her my schedule with the Temple Celebration, Temple Open House, Krysta's surgery, Krysta's graduation, Dano's mission papers, Earls possible lay off and my hunting for a second job. She was great. Thanks Emily!

3. Dave and Sam. Thanks for a much needed 2 hour break from reality.

4. Michelle. Thanks for keping me from falling apart even though you are a bigillion miles away.

5. Bishop Lords, Dano had his final Bishop interview and is now just waiting on the Stake President.

6. Ray for blogging!

7. 401k's! I will have to explain this a bit later.

8. Dezirae, it's always great to find friends after losing track!

9. Wade, I am so proud of his decision to serve a mission, and I am grateful for another reason to have to force myself to stay positive.

10. Litia, for an amazing email that truly saved the day!

Escape to the Mountain... Genesis 19:17

2009-05-03T20:51:00.006-06:00

Well here is the next installment of the Come Up to the Mountain of the Lord practice.

On Tuesday night we had an adult leader meeting at the Conference Center to get all the logistical details on the performance. I had pondered the logistics of getting our kids on stage. I had not thought about the logistics of getting 7000 kids on and off stage for 14 different dance numbers. Not only do we have to get them on and off stage but they have to do it quiclky quietly without touching things they shouldn't, without disturbing the number performing 2 seconds after them and don't forget they will have props that they need to get on and off stage as well. Lets just say I went to bed Tuesday night exhausted just thinking about it.

Then on Wednesday we had practice which is still barely controlled chaos. We have 4 practices left and I can't wait to see the miracle these great kids are going to pull off!

In this practice the leaders mapped out the actual stage size on the parking lot! Lets just say I was expecting more room. We have a lot of kids!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3_g9c1pfV0

Men are that they might have joy...(2 Nephi 2:25)

2009-04-27T21:09:00.003-06:00

I am blessed to have one of those husband who does laundry! :o)

http://deseretbook.com/video/embed/209

Zion shall flourish upon the hills and rejoice upon the mountains, and shall be assembled together unto the place which I have appointed. D&C 49:25

2009-04-25T18:52:00.006-06:00

This is the temple our youth are celebrating!

Here is a video of how we will be celebrating!

We are only a small group of 20,000+ expected youth to participate!

I will warn you ahead of time the video is a bit shaky and long, but in order to appreciate the video you will see on May 31st, you will have to see where we started.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee17ZdD-Tlg

This was our first practice putting 2 stakes of youth together! The stake leaders told us to expect "barely controlled chaos"... they were so right!!

We are 35 days away from performing for our Prophet. I have not been involved in anything of this magnitude before, but I have been involved in small scale activities. It always amazes me how the final production always turns out awe inspiring. So on May 30th I expect to be in awe of these inspiring youth!

Remember the worth of souls is great

2009-04-12T00:48:00.005-06:00

This is my BEAUTIFUL Grandma Coombs. Today is her birthday. She is not with us here in mortality anymore. She has been gone for more than 23 years now. She has been gone for more years than I was able to spend with her. She was/is an amazing role model for me.

Grandma will always be my first memory of unconditional love. She was the first to plant the seeds of a testimony in my heart. She taught me the love of family. She was the first to believe in me and the first to make me feel like I had something to offer.

Grandma gave me some of my first addictions too: General Hospital, Lawrence Welk, music, singing, shopping, eating out and LDS books. (I am grateful to say I have overcome the soap opera addiction, but still have all the rest)

Some of my favorite memories of Grandma include riding the skyride at Lagoon, sleepovers, letting me sleep with her when the noisy mice scared me, remembering how brave I thought she was when she caught one and flushed it down the toilet. I remember her bringing me and Grandpa drinks when I would rest with him on the sofa and he was sooo sick. I remember new pajamas and underwear from ZCMI, a new book from Desert Book and a surprise from Avon for birthday presents. I remember sugarfree candy and the Jewel T man. I remember back yard BBQ's and Romeo and Duke. I remember eating at Wendy's and KFC. I remember visits to Grandma Bott's, walks to aunt Helen and uncle Dale's and playing in the ditch in front of the Bodily's. I remember weekday bowling leagues and not having to go to the childcare, and drining Tab. I remember 4th of July at Murray Park and family Christmas parties. I remember saturday night baths and getting my hair washed (and she never yelled at me when I screamed my head off, thanks aunt Mary too) I remember sunday mornings and late afternoon Sacrament meetings. I remember loving to hear her sing, and I loved to go with her to church when she served. I remember weekday Relief Society and visits from her when I babysat for aunt Mary. I remember her picking me up from aunt Marys and driving me all the way home to Kearns so I wouldn't have to ride the bus alone in the dark after babysitting. I remember she would just let me talk a mile a minute and listen like I was her only care in the world. I understand now what a sacrifice that was for her. I remember how much she loved her grandchildren and how proud she was of all of them. Now that I am older I have a new appreciation for all the sacrifices she made. I have a new appreciation for the love she had for her family.

I am so grateful to have her as my first role model and as my Grandma. I think it fitting that her birthday and Easter fall on the same day this year. It is such a great reminder that He lives and that she lives. That the love they both have for me is real and still there. That the sacrifices and the work they both accomplished on this earth were for my good. The knowledge that I will see her again one day is gift and a blessing that I treasure.

Happy birthday Grandm Coombs. I love you! Thanks for everything.

Now I think I will go read a Shirley Sealy book while listening to Lawrence Welk :o)

He is not here, for He is Risen...Matthew 28:6 part 2

2009-04-11T23:01:00.002-06:00

Enjoy! Happy Easter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8b5pd3TGAg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpFhS0dAduc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeD__-jJyQM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDOyFaM_K3U

He is not here, for He is Risen...Matthew 28:6

2009-04-11T22:36:00.003-06:00

This week my friend at work sent me a flair on facebook. The flair had a picture of a cross and the phrase "It isn't about a bunny"
I loved it!! Although if I created this flair I would have left off the cross and used a picture of the Savior after He had risen. I hope that this Easter we will remember that the day is all about Our Savior, and the truth that He lives and because He lives so will we!

1 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them.

2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.

3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.

4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments:

5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?

6 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee,

7 Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

8 And they remembered his words,

9 And returned from the sepulchre, and told all these things unto the eleven, and to all the rest.

10 It was Mary Magdalene, and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women that were with them, which told these things unto the apostles.

11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.

12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.

13 ¶ And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs.

14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened.

15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.

16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.

17 And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?

18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?

19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:

20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.

21 But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done.

22 Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre;

23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive.

24 And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not.

25 Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken:

26 Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?

27 And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he cxpounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.

28 And they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: and he made as though he would have gone further.

29 But they constrained him, saying, Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went in to tarry with them.

30 And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.

31 And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.

32 And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?

33 And they rose up the same hour, and returned to Jerusalem, and found the eleven gathered together, and them that were with them,

34 Saying, The Lord is risen indeed, and hath aappeared to Simon.

35 And they told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread.

36 ¶ And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.

37 But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit.

38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?

39 Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

40 And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet.

41 And while they yet believed not for joy, and awondered, he said unto them, Have ye here any meat?

42 And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb.

43 And he took it, and did eat before them.

44 And he said unto them, These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must befulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me.

45 Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,

46 And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day:

47 And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.

48 And ye are witnesses of these things.

49 ¶ And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high.

50 ¶ And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.

51 And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.

52 And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy:

53 And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen.

Alma 56:32 And it came to pass that we did march forth....

2009-04-11T22:00:00.003-06:00

Ok so I have not been as on top of this as I had hoped! Here is the 2nd installment of Come Up to the Mountain practice!

The young men are doing a Haka. Right now they are not so intimidating, but just you wait! Come May 29th They are going to be AMAZING!

I can't wait to get to post a video of one of the songs the youth will be singing! It is beautiful!

...Every good gift cometh of Christ! Moroni 10:18

2009-03-28T08:35:00.004-06:00

Meet my friend Mel (she is the one 4th from the left with her arms folded looking like the proud Mom.). Mel is the Mom of Andrew, Bobbi and Jessi! (please note they may not be listed in order of importance) Mel is also an incredible woman of faith, one amazing YW leader, dedicated mother and one of the hardest working people I know. If I ever grow up I wanna be just like Mel. (also of note, the two gentleman in the picture, the most amazing Bishop Flamm and his counselor the adorable Bro. Bailey, next to Bro. Bailey his equally amazing wife Viki, to Mel's right the incredible Lisa! Also pictured Megan, Lexi, Wendy, Bobbi and Brinah, a sampling of some of the best group of YW Idaho has to offer!)

This is JESSI!! Jessi is my buddy, she was one of my first facebook friends, she texts me almost daily, she actually reads my blogs too! I love Jessi. I miss Jessi! Jessi and Mel (and Bob, Andrew and Bobbi) live in Idaho. So I do not get to see them hardly ever anymore! (lucky for me though the family reunion is only 120 days away and it's in Idaho, just like Jessi)

Why a post about Jessi you ask! Well in 10 count them 10 days Jessi is having a birthday!! Jessi will be 17! Last year we could not be with Jessi for her 16th birthday, so she is the one we started our birthday in a box tradition with! So this morning I was pondering what to do for Jessi's birthday this year. as you can see she has everything a girl could ever want... a great mom, a plunger and pink crocs, a car and jammies to repel in. So I come to you my good readers for advice!!

What can I do for MY JESSI for her birthday on an extremely limited budget, and 358 miles away. Please send suggestions! I love you Jessi!!

Jessi spread the word to all your blogger friends so they can send comments :o)

...Publish glad tidings upon the mountain... D&C 19:29

2009-03-25T23:01:00.004-06:00

So I am so excited to work with my girls on our Temple Celebration! Tonight was the second practice. I was asked to help the Laurels (16-18 year old YW). They were sooo CUTE!

What are we doing you ask. Well ... we are learning a Poi Ball dance. Tonight we learned how to twirl them and nearly knock each other out! It was quite funny! We also got booted out of our room, which was probably a good thing if you are the RS Pres.

Stay posted to see the miracle that will happen with these amazing YW!

Now Behold a marvelous work is about to come forth... D&C 4:1

2009-03-25T09:00:00.001-06:00

This is my son Daniel! We took this picture outside the doctors office friday morning. He was there to have his physical for his mission. He is a bit too big for his britches don't ya think?

I was going to take pictures of him getting his teeth cleaned and getting his shots but after this photo I don't think any of us are ready for him!

I am learning a lot lately about patience but waiting for him to get his call maybe my biggest test! I can make myself a bit insane trying to decide if I have done enough to prepare him. Daniel is my independent child, I have to remind myself that he has been given lots of guidance and now its time for him to be accountable for his preparation.

I will keep you "posted" on what happens!

... Marriage is ordained of God unto man. D&C 49:15

2009-03-24T09:00:00.000-06:00

Today is my in laws 50th anniversary. My cute sister in laws Julie and Dea made these charts to represent the family members, and the moves.The truck is Larry and Velma, the cars are the kids and their spouses. the mototcycles are the grand kids and the bicycles are the great grandchildren. The map has a string (which is hard to see in this pic, sorry). The string moves from state to state for every move the family has made. If you think it looks like a lot, you should know that it doesn't show every move within a state.

This is Larry and Velma and all of the family who was able to attend the lunch. There are 7 out of 13 of us in the Salt Lake area but we sure don't see each other enough.

It was a fun afternoon and I love to see my kids get together with their cousins.

...let thy heart be full of thanks unto God... Alma 37:37

2009-03-23T20:37:00.004-06:00

I have missed my last couple weeks of posting blessings. So I have a lot of catching up to do.

1. TALKING to Michelle. We have sent a lot of emails back and forth lately and we stay in touch thru facebook, but nothing beats an actual conversation!

2. Mission calls. Michelle's son Ryan got his call to Everett, Wa. and Amanda Schiffler is going to Madrid, Spain. I am really excited for them. They are great "kids" and they are going to be amazing instruments in the Lord's hands.

3. Answered Prayers! My little sister finally sold her house. She can now get ready for a yard sale and packing to move back to California, and be with her husband.

4. Ward conference! I love conferences and how they seem to be exactly what I need. Bishop Kenison's talk in Sacrament Meeting and Pres. Murphy's talk in Relief Society, I am sure were just for me. Now that you are curious as to what they spoke on... Remembering who you are as a Child of God and not letting Lucifer win.

5. Temple Celebrations and Dedications. It was amazing to be part of the Draper Temple dedication! I am also so excited to get to be a part of the Temple Celebration planned for May.
I have just been asked to make sure the kids get there on time and have rides and know that they are invited and wanted, but I am so excited to finally get to work with MY GIRLS in YW. I have been in YW so many times but never when my girls were there. So I cannot wait to spend the next 10 weeks with them.

6. Family Gatherings. I love to be with my family! Everytime we get together even if all I do is sit back and watch them (which I love to do) I feel rejuvenated. I have the best nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters and Mom and Dad.

7. Daniel was home for the weekend, that was a great blessing. He completed the dental and physical exams for his mission.

8. Wade came down with Dan. He is an amazing young man, I am glad Dan has him for a friend.

9. Staying asleep. I have been having a lot of struggles sleeping lately. I started some new meidcation, it has not helped me get to sleep, but once I finally get to sleep, I stay asleep! YAY!

10. Brenda! Brenda has just been an amazing angel this last week. Thanks Bren for all the listening and for helping Krysta get to tour!

...Seek ye earnsetly the best gifts...D&C 48:6

2009-03-16T09:00:00.001-06:00

PAY IT FORWARD

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!
My choice--for you!

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make NO guarantees that you will LIKE what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It WILL be done this year.
4. You have no CLUE what it’s going to be.
5. Most importantly, you MUST offer the same deal on your blog -
the first 5 people to comment on your blog get something made by YOU!

This should be fun!!!
I am giving the chance to you to get something from me, comment away and I'll get busy making something.

I can't wait :o)

let the mountain shout for joy... D&C 128:23

2009-03-09T21:48:00.002-06:00

Check out this blog!

http://templecelebration.blogspot.com/

Great idea don't ya think! I am sooo excited my girls ge the chance to be involved in this!

We are so blessed!

gather together, and stand in holy places D&C 101:22

2009-03-08T22:31:00.004-06:00

It's official. My big brother is really home. This is some of the family as we gathered to welcome

him home. My kids just adore their cousins and love any excuse to get together with them and

laugh and eat! Of which we did a lot of both. Despite the fact that all of Davids family except J

were feeling under the weather. Colette was actually losing her voice but was the most gracious hostess. As always! Welcome home Dave. Thanks for keeping us safe. I am looking forward to seeing him again and getting to talk to him about the growth of the church in Afghanistan.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts...and be ye thankful.

2009-03-08T21:41:00.003-06:00

I have been a bit neglectful in my blessing posts. I apologize. It's been a rough couple of weeks.
Thru the trials I am here to find the blessings.

1. Dano started his application for a mission. I am so proud of him and so excited for him.

2. Bishop Lords for seeing the Daniel that can be. He has been one of Daniel's biggest role models for the last 5 years. He has also been one of Daniels biggest supporters.

3. As always my family is a huge blessing. I am really glad my mom and dad are home from Arizona, I am also glad they had such a great time.

4. My friends their prayers and encouragement mean so much.

5. Afternoon walks! since the weather has been so great i have started going for walks during my lunch hour. It has been a great time to ponder and pray.

6. Medicine. I think my kidney infection is all gone :o)

7. Homecomings. My brother is finally home with his family!

8. Facebook and blogs and stating connected.

9. Lasgna and bake offs. Katee and Krysta made dinner tonight and had a bake off to see who could make the best cake and frosting. lets just say dinner was amazing and the frosting is going to take practice.

10. Sacrament meeting and little ones. We love sitting with the Petersons, Sorensons and Taylors in church. Their friendship means a lot!

11. Cookies from Noah, Jayden and Jack!

12. Girls Night Out! Good food and good company, you just can't beat that!
Thanks DeAnn, Rosie, Genny and Kelly. I so needed you all!
Danelle and Dawna thank you too. I loved being able to just talk and get everything out.
Love you girls!

children are an heritage of the Lord Ps. 127:3 A post accompanied by Katee

2009-03-08T20:55:00.010-06:00

Katee's best friend Vana turned 16 a few weeks ago! Katee was really bummed she could not be there especially for such a mile stone birthday for a latter day saint girl...so here is what we came up with to help her feel better and let Vana know just how much the whole family loves her and missed being there for her birthday. We call it "birthday in a box". After decorating and celebrating. we printed the pictures, put all the decor in a box and mailed it all to Vana in Idaho. Because it was her 16th birthday we also included a dating survival kit...things that she could use in her everyday but that also that would help her remember who she is and help her with dating...i.e.- tweezers to help her pluck out all the bad guys in her life, chapstick to keep her smiling, a For the Strenght of Youth booklet to remind her of her standards, a mirror to let her see the beautiful girl that she really is, and katee's favorite a first aid kit (with emergency contact list included with all our numbers) to help heal her broken hearts!

We made one for our friend Jessi too, last spring. It is a fun way for us to let our friends and family know we love them and miss them and celebrate their big days too.

Happy 16th Vana! We love you and miss you!

Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

2009-02-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

This is picture of my family. My CUTE little Mom and Dad, my ADORABLE Grandpa, my AMAZING sisters (Paula, Marci and Toni) and my DARLING BIG BROTHER David! My brother is in the military! He is one of my heroes! He really is, despite the fact that he was pinching me at the time this picture was taken (he gets that from our Dad). David has been deployed for the last year. He was nervous about this mission and he does not usually ask for ANYTHING but on this deployment he asked repeatedly for prayers for him and his men. Since he rarely asks I knew it was important. I was so grateful that my kids felt the importance of it as well and i can honestly say in the last 12 months not one prayer has been offered in my home that did not include my big brother and his men. I am pretty sure I can say the same thing for my parents, all my sisters and their families. Well for 12 months those prayers were answered and my brother and his men are all back in the US safe! Hopefully soon they will be back with their families.

I am also very grateful for the work that they do. We will never know how many times they put their lives on the line for our safety and freedom. They do this willingly. They volunteer, they are not required to serve in the military like so many other countries are. My thankfulness to them cannot really be put into words.

One scripture comes to mind when I think of him and what he does.

25 And it came to pass that there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds.

26 And now, their preservation was astonishing to our whole army, yea, that they should be spared while there was a thousand of our brethren who were slain. And we do justly ascribe it to the miraculous power of God, because of their exceeding faith in that which they had been taught to believe—that there was a just God, and whosoever did not doubt, that they should be preserved by his marvelous power.

27 Now this was the faith of these of whom I have spoken; they are young, and their minds are firm, and they do put their trust in God continually.

I love you David! Welcome home!

I cannot talk about David with out mentioning his ADORABLE wife Colette. She is another hero.

She has been a military wife for almost 22 years. I do not know how she does it. I can say she was included in every prayer offered as well cause David couldn't do what he does with out her support. Thanks Colette for being so WONDERFUL! I love you!

Who so loved the world that he gave his own life, that as many as would believe...D&C 34:3

2009-02-22T20:40:00.005-07:00

The last few years have been a real struggle for me. (I am bearing more of my soul today then I usually do but its for a reason. I hope to be able to do justice to the gratitude I have for my Heavenly Father.) All I ever wanted to do or be was a Mom. I wanted to be the kind of Mom my foster mom's were to me. I wanted to give my kids a safe home that was filled with gospel teachings and love for Our Savior Jesus Christ. I honestly feel like I have failed miserably.
I should have been more patient, I should have spoke in soft tones, I should have had more faith in trying times.
The last few years I have watched my sons struggle with their testimonies. I have watched my daughter struggle with her identity.I have watched all my children struggle with the belief that prayers for them are answered. As a mom I just want to fix all of that for them. When we made the move from Idaho back to Utah I had hoped it would get better but for me it has only gotten harder. One son quit going to church all together, the other moved out, one daughter struggles more with finding herself now more than before because she compares herself to her cousin here and my other daughter is having a hard time fitting in. I live with my husband now but feel more alone than when i didn't and for the first time ever in my life my faith has waivered.
Today in Sacrament meeting as the meeting began I felt even more alone then ever and as the Sacrament hymn began I really wanted to get up and leave! As I forced myself to sing the words to the hymn the most overwhelming feeling of love and comfort totally enveloped me. I found myself in tears, but singing the hymn with more conviction than I had sung in years.

God loves us so he sent His Son
Christ Jesus the atoning One
To show us by the path He trod
The one and only way to God.

He came as man , though Son of God
And bowed Himself beneath the rod
He died in holy innocence,
A broken law to recompense

Oh love effulgent, love divine!
What debt of gratiude is mine,
That in His offering I have part
And hold a place within His heart!

I am eternally grateful for the opportunity today to feel the Spirit so warmly and so strong today. I am also grateful for the reminder that even when we lack faith in ourselves He NEVER lacks faith in us!
I don't know how things will work out or where i go from here but I know I havea renewed strength to go on. The closing story in Relief Society was this from President Eyring's talk this last conference during the Preisthood session.

"For instance, President Thomas S. Monson remembered the promised words of the Savior as he blessed me six months ago to stand fearlessly in my calling when it seemed hard. These words of the Savior, which He gave to His tiny band of priesthood holders in this dispensation, came to the prophet’s mind as he laid his hands on my head: “And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”1
The promise which President Monson remembered and quoted was fulfilled for me. Confidence replaced doubt, the Spirit came, medical helpers were inspired, my life was preserved, and I was borne up. Because of that blessing by President Monson, it will always be easy for me to remember the Savior and trust His promise that He goes before and beside us in His service.
I know that the promise of angels to bear us up is real. You might want to bring to memory the assurance of Elisha to his frightened servant. That assurance is ours when we feel close to being overwhelmed in our service. Elisha faced real and terrible opposition:

“And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?
“And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.
“And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.”
Like that servant of Elisha, there are more with you than those you can see opposed to you. Some who are with you will be invisible to your mortal eyes. The Lord will bear you up"

So many of you have been there to bear me up. I express my gratitude to you too.

And ye must give thanks unto God...D&C 46:32

2009-02-22T19:26:00.003-07:00

I missed my chance to post my blessings last week because I had some health issues come up. I am anxious today to express my gratitude for the blessings I have received the last 2 weeks.

1. I would be making a big mistake if I did not start with todays AMAZING blessing. I am not sure how to put into the right words. Let's just list it as feeling the Spirit. I will add another post a bit later to explain.

2. Ammon 2nd and 26th wards. I know I have been nowhere near any of the ward members this week, but it has been a hard week and I am 300+ miles away from these friends, but their thoughts and prayers have been felt this week. They are an amazing example of love and friendship and caring even after I have moved from the boundaries.

3. Modern medicine!

4.Friends. I will post about this abit later too.

5. Jeffy! Hey is my adorable "little" nephew. I just love him, and am grateful for his love and example.

6.The Dawes family! Dinner was wonderful and very appreciated.

7. Bishop Kenison, Bro. Armes and Brother Lewis. Thanks for the calls and concern.

8. My family. Thanks for taking care of me. Dan, Wade and Garrett, thanks for driving all the way down!

9. Julie, April, Gladys, Sallie, Becky, Kris, Linda, Kris, Brenda and Emily for believing in me and encouraging me and being patient with me at work!

10. My big brother David is sortof home. I'll post about this a bit later too!

11. Sister Lewis' amazing Relief Society lesson.

It has been a wonderful 2 weeks of blessings.

And inasmuch as my people build a house unto me....D&C 97:15

2009-02-16T15:30:00.008-07:00

So for Valentines Day we went as half the family to the Draper Temple open house! It was a great way to spend the evening. The rooms are just breathtaking. Krysta's favorite room was the Celestial Room. She said it was peaceful and pretty. Katee's favorite was the Sealing Room. She loved the mirrors. Earls favorite was also the Sealing Room, he liked seeing all his "girls" there.

My favorite was the ordinance room with all the aspen trees.

I love the peacefulness of the temple. I love the beauty. I love the history of the temples and I

was grateful for the short film telling bout the sacrifices made to build the early temples. I remember when the Jordan River Temple was being considered and I remember receiving a request from the Bishop to doanate to build that temple. I was only 11 years old and I think I was given the amount of $12. Which isn't much but it was something. Enough to make it my temple.

I wondered how my children would ever have that same feeling of sacrifice or ownership.

I guess I didn't need to worry because on the way home they were calling the new Oquirrh Mountain Temple their temple. We also learned that in the summer there would be a HUGE celebration for dedicating these 2 new Houses of the Lord, and my girls will ge to be a part. I am so excited for them. if you have not seen the new Temple yet, there is still time. Just go to LDS.org and get all the info you need.

And he did exhort them then with all the feeling of a tender parent...

2009-02-09T17:04:00.001-07:00

This is MY Dad. I just love him so much. This whole month he is away. I miss him. I love to hear him bear testimony of our Savior and of Joseph Smith. I love to just sit and hold his hand. I always feel so safe, protected and loved when i am with him. Thanks Dad for being the best!

... great blessings poured out upon their heads...

2009-02-08T16:11:00.002-07:00

I have been looking forward to listing my blessings this week. It isn't because I have had amazing miracles take place in my life, or anything earth shattering happen, i just need to do it to help me not get caught up in all the things that seem to not be going ... well lets just say not the way I had it pictured in my mind.

1. scriptures, today i am truly grateful for having them. I listen to them often but i had a couple opportunities to really feast on them this week and even though it didn't answer my questions, it gave me peace.

2. stake conference! I love our stake president he is incredible. I tried to go prepared to get help with some struggles and feelings i have been having lately. Again i didn't get my answers straight out but he did help me see things differnently and in a new perspective.

3. my job. its not that i have the most amazing job that i just can't wait to get up and go to every morning, but that i have a job, and i am starting to get the hang of it (i hope) and i am starting to feel like i fit in.

4. Julie. she is a sweet young mom that i work with and she is training me. she has so much patience with me. I am truly grateful for her this week.

5. April, she is another co worker who is so positive and reassuring.

6. email :o) I love connecting with old friends and keeping up with family.

7. Sunrises and sunsets. we have sure had some pretty ones this week. I love a great sunrise cause it gives me something to look forward too, and a sunset lets me know i successfully made it thru another day.

8. MISSION CALLS. I am so excited for Wade and cannot wait to hear about Ryan's. I look forward to writing and encouraging these young men as they serve as fulltime missionaries for the Savior.

9. Internet. On it i find great quotes like these.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~ Unknown

The measure of our success as parents, however, will not rest solely on how our children turn out. That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible.
It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control. They agonize over rebellious sons or daughters. They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should.
It is my conviction that those wicked influences one day will be overruled. ~ Boyd K Packer

10. New days and second chances.

Until next weeks blessings....

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." ~ Mark Twain

Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God, ye are called to the work. D&C 4:3

2009-02-07T12:54:00.009-07:00

This is Wade. He is the son i didn't have to go thru labor for :o).
Two nights ago I got a call from Dan and Wade. They were both in tears. Now as a mom getting a call at 10:00 pm from two boys and all you can hear is crying, and they are in Idaho, well lets just say it's a bit of a heart stopper! Dan never did calm down enough to talk to me but Wade did.
He got his mission call! These boys have been thru a lot to get to this point. They have been good for each other and bad for each other at different times. Knowing what they have gone thru to get to this. I am so very PROUD of them. Dan will start his papers in few weeks when Bishop Lords feels its right. In the mean time WAY TO GO WADE!

In my scripture reading this morning i came across a scripture for you, Wade~

Mosiah 7:12
...I am very thankful before God this day that I am yet ALIVE, and am permitted to speak; and I will endeavor to speak with boldness.

Wade you have been through so much and have made the right choices at this time in your life!
You had some close calls and you are yet alive to speak. Speak with boldness thru the Spirit Wade, rely on the Lord, keep the commandments and mission rules, serve faithfully and you will be so blessed. I love you bud!

Ok for those who want to know Wade is going to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He leaves April 22.
73 days.

...ye shall be blessed...in your families. D&C 136:11

2009-02-07T11:00:00.004-07:00

These are 2 of my sisters. Marci on the left and Toni on the right. Yesterday was Marci's birthday. Today I express my gratitude for my sister. She is amazing. She is the mother of 9 great kids, of those 9, 7 are boys who all have incredible spouses, and 2 are girls. Tiff is too young to marry, and Ginger is too smart to marry :o) Marci has 7 adorble grandsons and 7 amazing granddaughters. They are her greatest joy. I love to hear her talk about them.

Marci came into my life when I was 14. I remember the first time I met her she was pregnant with Adam. I went to Montana with my mom to help her when Adam was born. Adam is number 8. To her, from day one I was her baby sister. I am forever grateful for that. Besides being one of my best friends and confidants here is what I love about Marci:

1. She has the most amazing smile and the BEST laugh!

2. She has a REALLY strong testimony. Her love for Our Savior, and her trust and faith in Him are second to none (but tied with Mom and Dad's)

3. My girls have to chime in on this one, Katee says the best thing about Aunt Marci is that she always makes you laugh, Krysta says she thinks she is incredible because she raised an amazing family (and that she lives on a farm)!

4. Marci has taught me that even though your physical body may not work the way you want it's no reason to get down. She has RA and she never let's it stop her from doing what she wants or needs to do!

5. Marci has a huge heart and a tender spirit. We can be the biggest crybabies when we get together and if you throw my mom and other amazing sisters in the mix we can rival the teton flood :o)

6 Marci knows how to work hard and she does (good gravy she raised 9 kids and a husband on a farm with sheep and cows, enough said).

I am so very grateful for you Marci and I love you a ton. You are one of the best role models a little sister could have! For YOU I am thankful!!

Happy Birthday!

...Always returning thanks unto God for whatsover things ye do recieve. Alma 7:23

2009-02-01T19:07:00.008-07:00

So January's goal was on Joy and I am still working on that. For February I am chossing to work on Thankfulness ( i was going to say gratitude, but gratidue is not in the topical guide of the Book of Mormon, so thankfulness it is).

I must add a disclaimer here, cause i don't want to plagerize. My best friend, (my twin born a year to the day earlier and to different parents, that's another blog) has a tradition of writing her blessings on her blog every saturday. In my attempt to be more thankful I am going to try to post my blessings every sunday. I know she wont mind me being a copy cat cause she is great like that! Another word of warning my memory is not always so great, so i have a notebook at my desk at work and a "journal" on my nightstand that i can write down daily blessings, hopefully it will put me in the habit of noticing things i am grateful for AND things that bring me JOY!

So for the week past here is what i am grateful for:

1. Sister Robbins and Sister Horrocks. I have lived in my current ward for almost 2 years now.
I have not had visiting teachers, i have one sweet sister i have been a visiting teacher to ( she is so overwhelme by her 2 sweet babies that Sacrament is she can handle) but the others i have visited are inactive and do not want visiting teachers. Needless to say it has been a bit lonely. Earl and I have been teaching Primary so i know a few sisters, but i cannot say i have a friend in this ward that i can just sit with. Last Sunday Sister Robbins sat next to me in RS. I usually sit all alone. I am grateful for Sister Robbins. Sister Horrocks is this sweet new sister in the ward she is trying her best to be the new chorister in RS but is overwhelmed. I got the chance to offer her some comfort. It was so nice to be needed.

2. Facebook. I know it sounds corny, but i have been so lonely here. It is hard when you are young marrieds, and moms to keep in touch with old friends, and thru Facebook, i have caught up with so many dear friends. It has been so fun to walk down memory lane but it has been such a blessing to have these friends in my life again. These friends shaped my testimony, and encouraged me thru really tough times. Another blessing my kids do not even mind that i have a Facebook page.

3. Scriptures on CD. I miss the talks and music i used to listen to at my previous job. They gave me the courage to keep going. My new job is so difernent and it has been a big adjustment. I have started listening to the scriptures on CD at work. I can complete the Book of Mormon in about 5 days, the New Testament in 3, the D&C in 3 and i am going to brave the Old Testament this month. I'll let ya know how it goes. ( i know it's not studying, but it's better than talk radio and the budget doesn't allow for purchasing all the ones i used to listen to for free).

4. My kids! They are great.

5. Earl, he is so patient with me.

6. My job, cause so many don't have them right now. I also have a really amazing boss. She is as patient with me as Lee was, and has as much trust too. I am truly grateful.

7. Brenda she brings me home from work a lot of days, she is such a blessing!

8. Email. Cause sometimes a great email gets me thru a tough day. (I even love forwards cause it means someone tought of me that day.)

9. Good health days.

10. Snuggling with Katee at the end of a long day.

11. Brendan for teaching me about repentance and forgiveness.

12. The Sacrament and the opportunity to repent and be forgiven.

13. Testimonies and those who share them. They strenghten me. Even the ones that ramble because they help me remember not to judge.

14. YOU! thanks for enduring a long post!

check it out...

2009-02-01T19:03:00.003-07:00

Just a note, Katee uploaded the pics from the camera, so if you wanted to see Krysta'a CNA grad pics they are posted on that blog post :o)

More JOY

2009-02-01T10:20:00.005-07:00

you may want to stop the music that generally plays, so you can hear the music for the dance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_oY93mvbpc
Dano is on the far left in the beginning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh9gVRc8Srg
Dano is the cute one in the back on the right side.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdQ2MwdgQhk&feature=channel_page
In this one he is the one in the front on the right when the dance starts.

You can occassionally here our family cheering him on. The video is not the best because its a digital camera, but at least you can see why watching him perform brings me joy!
I love this kid, and I am grateful he shares his talent!

...In this life I shall have Joy... Moses 5:11

2009-01-22T21:14:00.004-07:00

So here is another thing that brings me joy.
My son Daniel is the handsome boy with the cute girl in the blue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp-OvONdZhA

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom...

2009-01-19T19:15:00.005-07:00

My favorite book of the Book of Mormon is 3rd Nephi, but a close second is Mosiah. I love King Benjamin. His counsel brings me JOY! When MY children heed his counsel that REALLY brings me JOY!

Last Friday my oldest daughter Krysta graduated from the CNA (certified nursing assistant) course that is taught at Salt Lake Community College. ( I love that high school students can go to college and high school at the same time, you COULD do that when I was in high school but you had to have a perfect ACT and SAT to do it, now anyone who really wants to can do it)
I am really proud of Krysta. Not just for graduating from this program but for heeding the counsel of King Benjamin.

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God. (Mosiah 2:17)

Krysta loves to serve and care for others. She has chosen nursing as her career. I cannot imagine her doing anything else. She is not afraid of senior citizens and does not mind caring for them in the even in the most personal ways. She loves to listen to them talk, she loves to tease them (ask her grandparents) she loves to respect them. In the same way she can care for the littlest children too. (she wants to be a newborn intensive care nurse) I am grateful she likes to serve. I am grateful she has chosen to follow in the path of some leaders she really admires.
So my thanks to Sherri Murray, Viki Bailey and Meleta Egbert for being not just great nurses in their own right but amazing Young Women Leaders too. They helped a struggling mom teach the wisdom of a beloved King to a beautiful Daughter of God.

Now if that same beautiful daughter would find what she did with the camera so her mom could post her graduation photos on this blog you would "see" my JOY!

Added pics 2/1/09 finally pics are off the camera and on the blog. JOY!!

Men are that they might have joy...(2 Nephi 2:25)

2009-01-14T18:30:00.004-07:00

When I was 14 I met DeAnn Hansen. She has been one of my idols for ... ok a number of years.
She really introduced me to a love of the scriptures. Before DeAnn, when i read them they were words i did not understand. One of the very first scriptures she introduced me to was 2 Nephi 2:25 Adam fell that men might be, men are that they might have joy. (her blog is called Joy in the Journey. Are you surprised) Now joy at 14 means that the cute Bodily brothers knew you existed, and joy at 41 means snowed in at Christmas with no power!
Finding joy in the journey is my main goal this year! As my kids grow and leave home i realize i have been blessed with a lot of joy, but i am sure i did not appreciate it as i could have (that's a lot of i's). In the most recent General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, President Monson spoke on finding joy in the journey. I think it was my favorite talk. One of the quotes he gave was from the ancient roman philospher Horace. “Whatever hour God has blessed you with, take it with grateful hand, nor postpone your joys from year to year, so that in whatever place you have been, you may say that you have lived happily." This is my new mantra! Life can be ugly if that is all you look for or it can be an amazing journey with lots to be taught and gained and lived and given.

President Monson also said "Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us. Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

If I get to live as long as my grandpa i have 63 more years to ENJOY. I know chances of living that long are kind of slim but even if i only live another 41 years that's a lot of joy too. So if you are a part of my life and i blog about you or you get a note in the mail or an email or better yet if i show up at your door, know that it is because you bring me joy! I hope over this coming year to share with you the joy i am finding in my journey.

"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows.
my sincere prayer is that we may adapt to the changes in our lives, that we may realize what is most important, that we may express our gratitude always and thus find joy in the journey." ~~ President Thomas S Monson

Tagged It's all me....

2009-01-05T11:42:00.006-07:00

So i have recieved many "tags" and i just have not taken the time to reply so here it goes...
For all of you have tagged me for my "quirks"...

1. My husband and i are both OCD. Only his are good, for the most part. And i love his OCD!
He is a "neat freak"! A place for everything and everything in it's place. When he gets undressed he neatly folds his dirty clothes and puts them in the laundry basket. He keeps our house organized as best he can with a wife he lives with piles. "this is my RS pile, this is my kids stuff pile etc" If he touches my piles i am lost. I am the same way at work (huh Kenz). His one negative OCD is that he CANNOT multi task. do not talk to him while he is driving he wont remember the conversation, don't ask him to take out the trash if he is folding laundry he won't remember you aksed, don't give him anything while watching John Wayne he will lose it!

2. I am a Christmasaholic. I love all things Christmas. I can watch Christmas movies all year, I can listen to Christmas music all year, I could have a tree up all year. So the fact that i have not been the one to put up the Christams tree or play the Christmas music for the last few years concerns me. Thanks Katee for stepping up for me.

3 I kind of like my gray hair. Ok I know that sounds weird but here is the deal. it reminds of where i have been and what i have been thru and that i am still here. It tells me i am ok with who i am and where i am at. I will admit that if i lived in Idaho i probably would have had Kenz color it but i don't have some one in Utah that i feel comfortable asking to do it. My beautiful aunt Mary used to always be my go to girl but i am not agile enough to get around her bathroom or kitchen sink. If i colored it myself i am sure i would turn it orange or green or worse cause it to fall out. and i would really rather be gray than bald, we will leave that for my husband.

4 I love blogs. Ok i am not the kind of person who lives to read strangers blogs. I just love spying on my friends thru their blogs. sometimes i comment but most the time i just read. i learn a lot, i feel connected to them and it makes me happy. i will confess there are 4 blogs i read, that are from people i admire but have never met, they probably think i am a stalker. Hey i figure its better than sitting at home watching tv all night.

5 i love to read. i am very particular about what i read though. i will read fiction if it has a good moral, or it takes me to a better place. i mostly read LDS fiction when it comes to fiction. I love good mystery, i love a good conversion story, i am ok with a romance or two but i DO NOT read Anita books. i love a good general authority book, or a self help book that is real. i generally do not read Oprah's picks, they tend to be too graphic for my tender heart.

6 i have a tender heart, but an irish temper. (i have no idea if i have any irish ancestry) i cry easily, i laugh easily and i get angry easily. work with me you'll always have a place in my heart, cross me or anyone close to my heart and well....

7 i love email forwards. i hate when they say i have to send it to 27 friends or my luck will run out. i usually take that out before i send it on, but when i get a forward it tells me someone thought about me today. maybe it was just so they had 10 people to send it on to, but hey i am still on their email list right.

8 i am a collector. it makes my husband crazy (see #1). i collect books, statues, people whatever i can find. i am sure it comes from losing a lot as a child but as an adult i hang on to things. if its broke i think one day i will fix it. if its a book i know one day i will read it, if its people, well i don't have any of them hidden away in boxes at home just in my heart. (it's probably the reason for my faccebook fascination). i moved a lot as a child and i never wanted that for my kids but alas thru the many moves i have collected many dear friends and never want to lose them

9 i am looking forward to being a grandma (see #3). I had amazing grandparents. My grandma Coombs always my role model, i want to be just like her ok without the scary basement and mice. i will will have sleepovers, we will watch Lawrence Welk (i hope the reruns are still on when i am a grandma) we will have bbq's and family picnics. we will love shopping for underwear and jammies and avon perfume (ok if i have grandsons i may be in trouble here). i will take them visiting teaching with me and let them help me cook. Like my Grandpa Fillmore i will send birthday cards in the mail cause it's always more fun to "get good mail".

10 last but not least, i am usually OCD about grammar except for blogging and facebook. for some reason ll that goes out the window.

so that's me, all the weird things you never wanted to know.
I guess now i am supposed to tag my friends, and about the only ones who have not tagged me are Aunt Mary, Denalee and Katee so consider yourselves tagged!
love ya!

They had been taught by their mothers...

2008-11-12T20:34:00.004-07:00

Yesterday was my Mom's 80th birthday. I love MY Mom. She is amazing. Almost everything I hold dear I learned from her. She was not the mother that gave me life, but she is the mother that gave a purpose to my life. I met her when I was 14. She had a heart big enough to love all the almost 200 youth in our stake. She had a testimony to share with us and a calling to watch over us. A calling she took very seriously.
My fondest memories of MY mom are the ones when she was sacrificing her time and talents to serve the Lord, and she let me tag along. I loved helping her with YW conferences, Youth Conference, Snow Carnivals, Girls Camp. Every one of these activities strenghtened my testimony. Not just attending or spending hours making handouts, or cookies, but watching MY Mom sacrifice out of love for OUR Savior. We had so many great talks late into the night.
MY Mom was also the Mom all the friends loved. Oh sure sometimes she made us crazy with the 20 questions, 3rd degree and guilt trips, but we KNEW she loved us. She let us party at our house all the time. never complaining, and often times hanging out with us.

My Mom taught me to love and serve the Lord.

My Mom taught me about family. My Mom taught me about loving family, sacrificing for family, about being there for family. My mom worked hard all day and came home at 7 pm and worked hard at home, taking care of us. I remember many nights when she did not feel well, but she set her feelings aside. I know she went with out a lot of her own dreams to let us have ours. She taught us the importance of extended family. Reunions were here priorities. Her door was always open to anyone. (we often joke that there house is the Fillmore hotel, but we would have it no other way) Holidays were important to her and she made sure she never left anyone out.
MY mom and MY dad have been married for almost 60 years. They aren't perfect, but they love each other, and that love inspires me.

MY Mom taught me to love and serve family.

MY mom is a pilar of strength, a beacon of light and a fountain of faith! I am so grateful for he example, sacrifice and love. MY Mom IS all the things I hold dear.

I was taught by a mother, and I have NO DOUBT MY mother knew it!

I love you Mom! Thanks for all the sacrifices!

O my son Daniel....

2008-10-26T13:26:00.004-06:00

Recently my 18 year old son Daniel told me he is leaving home and moving to Idaho. I have so many mixed feelings about his decision. What i have come to face though is it is his decision.

He did not choose to move to Idaho when we first moved there in 2004. He was "drug". We had been praying for a long time for a change when the option for Idaho was put before us. When we left Idaho in 2007, he again was "drug". So to be perfectly honest i am surprised it took him 5 months from high school graduation to tell us he was moving back. heck i would move back too if i could.

Here is my dilemma. what do you say to your son when you only have 5 days left with him.

I cried all thru church today, KNOWING it would be the last time i sat with him. As i watched the young mother in front of me struggle with her boys, i longed for those "simpler days". I wish i had treasured them more. Noah is the little boy who often sits in front of us. He is 2. my family hangs on to his every word. After church we share our favorite Noahisms on the way home and all thru out dinner. Why did i not hang on every word of Daniels?

Dan and i have always been opposites. I hate a "scary" ride he loves them. I have never been comfortable in my own skin, i have never been sure of myself. i have never been confident.
Daniel is his own person. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and usually how to get it. Much like the prophet Daniel, my Daniel stands up for what he believes in, doesn't allow others to bully or intimidate him or anyone he cares about. Daniel is the kind of person I think the Savior would have been. for example, Dan has many friends who use language i do not feel comfortable with. I cannot be around this type of language for it seriously hurts my soul. Daniel is not offended by others lack of knowledge. I do not say anything to people who use offensive language out of fear of ridicule. Daniel doesn't say things to his friends because he believes he can be a good example, as the Savior would. I come from the teachings of being around that type of talk can drag you down, Daniel believes he can build people up. I am so proud of him. Often times I wish i could be more like him.

We are so different though, that i know he wont be back. He may be back for a night here or there, but he won't be back. There is a poem that says "a daughter's your daughter all of your life. A son's only a son until he takes a wife." My mom tells me this is true. I know my brother does not do near as much with our family as he does with his wife's family and we do not do near as much with Earl's family as we do with mine. (in my defence Earls family doesn't have a lot of traditions or get togethers.) I KNOW i only have one Sunday night, one Monday night, one Tuesday night, one Wednesday night and one Thursday night left with him. I am making a huge assumption that he will be home these nights and not out saying goodbye to his friends here.
With only five nights left. what do i say to him that will be most meaningful? What do I say to him that won't offend him. (If I say to him read your scriptures every day, and say your prayers morning and night, he will think I don't think he is already doing it. When really I just want him to know I have learned it's important.)

I have made so many mistakes in my life that i don't think he will want to hear what i have to say. He has an amazing memory and he can recall every time i was wrong, misjudged, jumped to a hasty conclusion, reacted when i should have acted. spoke when i should have listened, criticized when i should have comforted. I should have had more faith and been home more for him.

I have been thinking a lot to today about the chapters of Nephi and Alma, where Lehi and Alma are saying good bye to their families. What can i say to Daniel that will let him believe what i feel for him. The tremendous love i have for him, the tremendous belief that i have in him, the faith i have in him? I also want to let him know of my testimony of our Savior, and how important it is that he has the testimony and faith to turn the Lord in times of trial, and to stay close to Him always. I just don't know what to say or how to say it.

Here is the best i could come up with...Alma 37:35-37,47.

What do you say when you know you are saying good bye to your son, before you are ready to say good bye?

"Goodly Grand Parents" 1 Nephi 1:1

2008-10-22T22:14:00.005-06:00

I have so much i have wanted to blog about for the last 6 weeks. new job, layoffs, letting go saying good bye to a son, but today those will have to wait... today is a day to pay tribute to my grandpas.
one memory I have of my Grandpa Coombs is him singing O Holy Night. I was just a young girl maybe 5 years old, we were in Sacrament Meeting. I remember sitting next to him. I don't know if his voice was one others would say was great but for me i remember him sounding better than any man i have ever heard. A voice that Josh Groban would envy. O Holy Night has always been my favorite Christmas song because of this one memory. The only other memory I have of him was when he was ill with pnuemonia, sleeping on the couch and Lawrence Welk on the TV. Yep i still love Lawrence Welk. Although we lost both Grandma & Grandpa Coombs around the holidays, it is still my favorite time of year because to the closeness i feel to them. They are the parents of 9 great kids, of whom i love very much. My aunts and uncles have loved me unconditionally. they have blessed my life

Today we have been asked to fast for my other Grandpa. Grandpa Fillmore. Garrick. Isn't that a perfect name. Grandpa's birthday is the 29th of october. He will be 104! 104, amazing!
Grandpa has 8 incredible kids. Oh they have had their share of struggles, and a few have strayed from what he would have them cling to but they are amazing nonetheless. Grandpa lives with my perfect cousin Julie. She has been such a great role model. The hospice workers who come to help her and Grandpa, say that Grandpa is hanging on for someone, or someone with unsettled issues with Grandpa is keeping him here . We know Grandpa misses Grandma Sarah, He celebrated 50 years with her. After a few years of loneliness, he married his friend who became our Grandma Gaye. I never knew Grandma Sarah, but Grandma Gaye loved me as if I was her grandaughter, Grandpa misses her too.
It is with a heavy heart I fast Grandpa. I want him to be with Grandma Sarah. He loves her so much, but we love him and will miss him if he gets called home.
Grandpa I know you will never be able to read this post but I thank you for taking me in. You accepted me as one of your own, even though i was not born into your family. Grandpa you taught me to love others despite the trials and choices they make or create. you taught me to love with my whole heart. I love to hear you sing, i love to hear your stories. I will always love Idaho because of you. My testimony of Jesus Christ is greater and stronger because of you. you taught me so much about the atonement. you taught me about love of family, marriage, of forgiveness and charity.
My head knows its time to let you go, but my heart is selfish. I love you, I will miss you, and will forever be grateful for you!

O Remember, Remember ....

2008-09-11T22:57:00.002-06:00

Sept 11th is a tough day for me.

I have a brother in the military and because of man's hate he is serving our country in Afghanistan. (he has a great shirt he wears. It says "in God we trust, all others we monitor" it's so true in more ways than one!) Anyway ...

Sept 11th is also my sisters birthday and anniversary. (I know who gets married on their birthday? My sister that's who, she thoght it would be a good way for Kal to remember. To bad Kal is a mighty hunter and spends her birthday and their anniversary hunting. Oh well she gets to go shopping and he isn't there to tell her no.)
I am easily side tracked.

Sept 11th is a tough day because I spend a lot of time remembering the gratitude I have for a loving Heavenly Father, who was there to comfort us all on a tough day in US history.
My prayers go to all who lost family members on that day. They also go out to those who serve our country, and their families. I am grateful for the sacrifice of the soldiers and their families.

I can still remember the morning of the attack. We had just knelt down for prayer, I had been watching the local news, and the national news was just breaking the news of the first plane crash. As my young family knelt on the floor the TV showed the second plane fly right into the 2nd tower.It didn't register until after we finished prayer what we had actually seen on the TV. We turned it back on for just a moment. We had to hurry off to get kids to school, and us to work. It is a great comfort to know that when the world was turing in turmoil we were turning to Father.

I truly believe he comforted us all thru out that day.

Now the inner turmoil... I spend so much time remembering the feeling of gratitude for safe keepings of all my famliy that I forget to remember my sister is old today and all alone. My brother is also away from his family today and alone, and my sister in law is alone.

The one thing we all have in come our faith in Jesus Christ. Today if you are remebering loss, or comfort, separation or "older sisters, and anniversaries" ....

Remember, Remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation:.. a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. Helaman 5:12

2008-09-05T21:58:00.003-06:00

Moroni 7:27 ...for it is by faith that miracles are wrought...
From my earliest memories all i ever wanted to be was a mom. not just any mom but a mom like the stripling warriors moms. i wanted to raise children who would love their family, love their father enough to help him keep his covenants, who trusted their mothers every word, who loved the Lord, who would serve the Lord and would find joy in gospel activities. i wanted to be the mom that made a perfectly balanced breakfast every day, who was at the bus stop when the kids left for school and there when they returned. i would help with homework, have a well organized and tidy home, and dinner on the table when my husband came home. my family would spend the evenings playing games together, thinking of ways to serve other families and visiting the lonely.
lets just say it didn't turn out that way and now instead of instilling a deep and abiding faith in my children i find myself struggling to have the faith i need for miracles to be brought about in my childrens lives.
I know all the scriptures and know it is after the trial of our faith... but what i don't know is how to have that faith, or how to be worthy of the miracle.
I am not a stranger to the many blessings i have been given, my four amazing kids top the list. the only thing i wish for them is a deep, abiding and sustaining testimony of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I know this is something they have to gain for themselves.
i have made so many mistakes though, so how do i have the faith to believe this is a miracle i can receive?

New Beginnings with Dear Friends

2008-08-31T00:02:00.003-06:00

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who blesses us continually.
The last four years have been lonely struggle filled years. Just when I didn't think I could endure any more, he sends me what I need to get thru! Over the last 8 weeks I have reconnected with friends who got me thru the tough teen years. If they only knew how much of a blessing it has been to have them back in my life.
As I tackle my challenges and new beginnings I am grateful Father sent my friends to bear me up.
D&C 121:9 Thy friends do stand by thee ... with warm hearts and friendly hands

Getting Started

2008-07-23T22:25:00.000-06:00

Well I started a blog. I hope I figure out what to do with it!