They had been taught by their mothers...

Yesterday was my Mom's 80th birthday. I love MY Mom. She is amazing. Almost everything I hold dear I learned from her. She was not the mother that gave me life, but she is the mother that gave a purpose to my life. I met her when I was 14. She had a heart big enough to love all the almost 200 youth in our stake. She had a testimony to share with us and a calling to watch over us. A calling she took very seriously.
My fondest memories of MY mom are the ones when she was sacrificing her time and talents to serve the Lord, and she let me tag along. I loved helping her with YW conferences, Youth Conference, Snow Carnivals, Girls Camp. Every one of these activities strenghtened my testimony. Not just attending or spending hours making handouts, or cookies, but watching MY Mom sacrifice out of love for OUR Savior. We had so many great talks late into the night.
MY Mom was also the Mom all the friends loved. Oh sure sometimes she made us crazy with the 20 questions, 3rd degree and guilt trips, but we KNEW she loved us. She let us party at our house all the time. never complaining, and often times hanging out with us.

My Mom taught me to love and serve the Lord.

My Mom taught me about family. My Mom taught me about loving family, sacrificing for family, about being there for family. My mom worked hard all day and came home at 7 pm and worked hard at home, taking care of us. I remember many nights when she did not feel well, but she set her feelings aside. I know she went with out a lot of her own dreams to let us have ours. She taught us the importance of extended family. Reunions were here priorities. Her door was always open to anyone. (we often joke that there house is the Fillmore hotel, but we would have it no other way) Holidays were important to her and she made sure she never left anyone out.
MY mom and MY dad have been married for almost 60 years. They aren't perfect, but they love each other, and that love inspires me.

MY Mom taught me to love and serve family.

MY mom is a pilar of strength, a beacon of light and a fountain of faith! I am so grateful for he example, sacrifice and love. MY Mom IS all the things I hold dear.

I was taught by a mother, and I have NO DOUBT MY mother knew it!

I love you Mom! Thanks for all the sacrifices!

O my son Daniel....

Recently my 18 year old son Daniel told me he is leaving home and moving to Idaho. I have so many mixed feelings about his decision. What i have come to face though is it is his decision.

He did not choose to move to Idaho when we first moved there in 2004. He was "drug". We had been praying for a long time for a change when the option for Idaho was put before us. When we left Idaho in 2007, he again was "drug". So to be perfectly honest i am surprised it took him 5 months from high school graduation to tell us he was moving back. heck i would move back too if i could.

Here is my dilemma. what do you say to your son when you only have 5 days left with him.

I cried all thru church today, KNOWING it would be the last time i sat with him. As i watched the young mother in front of me struggle with her boys, i longed for those "simpler days". I wish i had treasured them more. Noah is the little boy who often sits in front of us. He is 2. my family hangs on to his every word. After church we share our favorite Noahisms on the way home and all thru out dinner. Why did i not hang on every word of Daniels?

Dan and i have always been opposites. I hate a "scary" ride he loves them. I have never been comfortable in my own skin, i have never been sure of myself. i have never been confident.
Daniel is his own person. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and usually how to get it. Much like the prophet Daniel, my Daniel stands up for what he believes in, doesn't allow others to bully or intimidate him or anyone he cares about. Daniel is the kind of person I think the Savior would have been. for example, Dan has many friends who use language i do not feel comfortable with. I cannot be around this type of language for it seriously hurts my soul. Daniel is not offended by others lack of knowledge. I do not say anything to people who use offensive language out of fear of ridicule. Daniel doesn't say things to his friends because he believes he can be a good example, as the Savior would. I come from the teachings of being around that type of talk can drag you down, Daniel believes he can build people up. I am so proud of him. Often times I wish i could be more like him.

We are so different though, that i know he wont be back. He may be back for a night here or there, but he won't be back. There is a poem that says "a daughter's your daughter all of your life. A son's only a son until he takes a wife." My mom tells me this is true. I know my brother does not do near as much with our family as he does with his wife's family and we do not do near as much with Earl's family as we do with mine. (in my defence Earls family doesn't have a lot of traditions or get togethers.) I KNOW i only have one Sunday night, one Monday night, one Tuesday night, one Wednesday night and one Thursday night left with him. I am making a huge assumption that he will be home these nights and not out saying goodbye to his friends here.
With only five nights left. what do i say to him that will be most meaningful? What do I say to him that won't offend him. (If I say to him read your scriptures every day, and say your prayers morning and night, he will think I don't think he is already doing it. When really I just want him to know I have learned it's important.)

I have made so many mistakes in my life that i don't think he will want to hear what i have to say. He has an amazing memory and he can recall every time i was wrong, misjudged, jumped to a hasty conclusion, reacted when i should have acted. spoke when i should have listened, criticized when i should have comforted. I should have had more faith and been home more for him.

I have been thinking a lot to today about the chapters of Nephi and Alma, where Lehi and Alma are saying good bye to their families. What can i say to Daniel that will let him believe what i feel for him. The tremendous love i have for him, the tremendous belief that i have in him, the faith i have in him? I also want to let him know of my testimony of our Savior, and how important it is that he has the testimony and faith to turn the Lord in times of trial, and to stay close to Him always. I just don't know what to say or how to say it.

Here is the best i could come up with...Alma 37:35-37,47.

What do you say when you know you are saying good bye to your son, before you are ready to say good bye?

"Goodly Grand Parents" 1 Nephi 1:1

I have so much i have wanted to blog about for the last 6 weeks. new job, layoffs, letting go saying good bye to a son, but today those will have to wait... today is a day to pay tribute to my grandpas.
one memory I have of my Grandpa Coombs is him singing O Holy Night. I was just a young girl maybe 5 years old, we were in Sacrament Meeting. I remember sitting next to him. I don't know if his voice was one others would say was great but for me i remember him sounding better than any man i have ever heard. A voice that Josh Groban would envy. O Holy Night has always been my favorite Christmas song because of this one memory. The only other memory I have of him was when he was ill with pnuemonia, sleeping on the couch and Lawrence Welk on the TV. Yep i still love Lawrence Welk. Although we lost both Grandma & Grandpa Coombs around the holidays, it is still my favorite time of year because to the closeness i feel to them. They are the parents of 9 great kids, of whom i love very much. My aunts and uncles have loved me unconditionally. they have blessed my life

Today we have been asked to fast for my other Grandpa. Grandpa Fillmore. Garrick. Isn't that a perfect name. Grandpa's birthday is the 29th of october. He will be 104! 104, amazing!
Grandpa has 8 incredible kids. Oh they have had their share of struggles, and a few have strayed from what he would have them cling to but they are amazing nonetheless. Grandpa lives with my perfect cousin Julie. She has been such a great role model. The hospice workers who come to help her and Grandpa, say that Grandpa is hanging on for someone, or someone with unsettled issues with Grandpa is keeping him here . We know Grandpa misses Grandma Sarah, He celebrated 50 years with her. After a few years of loneliness, he married his friend who became our Grandma Gaye. I never knew Grandma Sarah, but Grandma Gaye loved me as if I was her grandaughter, Grandpa misses her too.
It is with a heavy heart I fast Grandpa. I want him to be with Grandma Sarah. He loves her so much, but we love him and will miss him if he gets called home.
Grandpa I know you will never be able to read this post but I thank you for taking me in. You accepted me as one of your own, even though i was not born into your family. Grandpa you taught me to love others despite the trials and choices they make or create. you taught me to love with my whole heart. I love to hear you sing, i love to hear your stories. I will always love Idaho because of you. My testimony of Jesus Christ is greater and stronger because of you. you taught me so much about the atonement. you taught me about love of family, marriage, of forgiveness and charity.
My head knows its time to let you go, but my heart is selfish. I love you, I will miss you, and will forever be grateful for you!

O Remember, Remember ....

Sept 11th is a tough day for me.

I have a brother in the military and because of man's hate he is serving our country in Afghanistan. (he has a great shirt he wears. It says "in God we trust, all others we monitor" it's so true in more ways than one!) Anyway ...

Sept 11th is also my sisters birthday and anniversary. (I know who gets married on their birthday? My sister that's who, she thoght it would be a good way for Kal to remember. To bad Kal is a mighty hunter and spends her birthday and their anniversary hunting. Oh well she gets to go shopping and he isn't there to tell her no.)
I am easily side tracked.

Sept 11th is a tough day because I spend a lot of time remembering the gratitude I have for a loving Heavenly Father, who was there to comfort us all on a tough day in US history.
My prayers go to all who lost family members on that day. They also go out to those who serve our country, and their families. I am grateful for the sacrifice of the soldiers and their families.

I can still remember the morning of the attack. We had just knelt down for prayer, I had been watching the local news, and the national news was just breaking the news of the first plane crash. As my young family knelt on the floor the TV showed the second plane fly right into the 2nd tower.It didn't register until after we finished prayer what we had actually seen on the TV. We turned it back on for just a moment. We had to hurry off to get kids to school, and us to work. It is a great comfort to know that when the world was turing in turmoil we were turning to Father.

I truly believe he comforted us all thru out that day.

Now the inner turmoil... I spend so much time remembering the feeling of gratitude for safe keepings of all my famliy that I forget to remember my sister is old today and all alone. My brother is also away from his family today and alone, and my sister in law is alone.

The one thing we all have in come our faith in Jesus Christ. Today if you are remebering loss, or comfort, separation or "older sisters, and anniversaries" ....

Remember, Remember, that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation:.. a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. Helaman 5:12

Moroni 7:27 ...for it is by faith that miracles are wrought...
From my earliest memories all i ever wanted to be was a mom. not just any mom but a mom like the stripling warriors moms. i wanted to raise children who would love their family, love their father enough to help him keep his covenants, who trusted their mothers every word, who loved the Lord, who would serve the Lord and would find joy in gospel activities. i wanted to be the mom that made a perfectly balanced breakfast every day, who was at the bus stop when the kids left for school and there when they returned. i would help with homework, have a well organized and tidy home, and dinner on the table when my husband came home. my family would spend the evenings playing games together, thinking of ways to serve other families and visiting the lonely.
lets just say it didn't turn out that way and now instead of instilling a deep and abiding faith in my children i find myself struggling to have the faith i need for miracles to be brought about in my childrens lives.
I know all the scriptures and know it is after the trial of our faith... but what i don't know is how to have that faith, or how to be worthy of the miracle.
I am not a stranger to the many blessings i have been given, my four amazing kids top the list. the only thing i wish for them is a deep, abiding and sustaining testimony of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I know this is something they have to gain for themselves.
i have made so many mistakes though, so how do i have the faith to believe this is a miracle i can receive?

New Beginnings with Dear Friends

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who blesses us continually.
The last four years have been lonely struggle filled years. Just when I didn't think I could endure any more, he sends me what I need to get thru! Over the last 8 weeks I have reconnected with friends who got me thru the tough teen years. If they only knew how much of a blessing it has been to have them back in my life.
As I tackle my challenges and new beginnings I am grateful Father sent my friends to bear me up.
D&C 121:9 Thy friends do stand by thee ... with warm hearts and friendly hands

Getting Started

Well I started a blog. I hope I figure out what to do with it!