Recently my 18 year old son Daniel told me he is leaving home and moving to Idaho. I have so many mixed feelings about his decision. What i have come to face though is it is his decision.
He did not choose to move to Idaho when we first moved there in 2004. He was "drug". We had been praying for a long time for a change when the option for Idaho was put before us. When we left Idaho in 2007, he again was "drug". So to be perfectly honest i am surprised it took him 5 months from high school graduation to tell us he was moving back. heck i would move back too if i could.
Here is my dilemma. what do you say to your son when you only have 5 days left with him.
I cried all thru church today, KNOWING it would be the last time i sat with him. As i watched the young mother in front of me struggle with her boys, i longed for those "simpler days". I wish i had treasured them more. Noah is the little boy who often sits in front of us. He is 2. my family hangs on to his every word. After church we share our favorite Noahisms on the way home and all thru out dinner. Why did i not hang on every word of Daniels?
Dan and i have always been opposites. I hate a "scary" ride he loves them. I have never been comfortable in my own skin, i have never been sure of myself. i have never been confident.
Daniel is his own person. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and usually how to get it. Much like the prophet Daniel, my Daniel stands up for what he believes in, doesn't allow others to bully or intimidate him or anyone he cares about. Daniel is the kind of person I think the Savior would have been. for example, Dan has many friends who use language i do not feel comfortable with. I cannot be around this type of language for it seriously hurts my soul. Daniel is not offended by others lack of knowledge. I do not say anything to people who use offensive language out of fear of ridicule. Daniel doesn't say things to his friends because he believes he can be a good example, as the Savior would. I come from the teachings of being around that type of talk can drag you down, Daniel believes he can build people up. I am so proud of him. Often times I wish i could be more like him.
We are so different though, that i know he wont be back. He may be back for a night here or there, but he won't be back. There is a poem that says "a daughter's your daughter all of your life. A son's only a son until he takes a wife." My mom tells me this is true. I know my brother does not do near as much with our family as he does with his wife's family and we do not do near as much with Earl's family as we do with mine. (in my defence Earls family doesn't have a lot of traditions or get togethers.) I KNOW i only have one Sunday night, one Monday night, one Tuesday night, one Wednesday night and one Thursday night left with him. I am making a huge assumption that he will be home these nights and not out saying goodbye to his friends here.
With only five nights left. what do i say to him that will be most meaningful? What do I say to him that won't offend him. (If I say to him read your scriptures every day, and say your prayers morning and night, he will think I don't think he is already doing it. When really I just want him to know I have learned it's important.)
I have made so many mistakes in my life that i don't think he will want to hear what i have to say. He has an amazing memory and he can recall every time i was wrong, misjudged, jumped to a hasty conclusion, reacted when i should have acted. spoke when i should have listened, criticized when i should have comforted. I should have had more faith and been home more for him.
I have been thinking a lot to today about the chapters of Nephi and Alma, where Lehi and Alma are saying good bye to their families. What can i say to Daniel that will let him believe what i feel for him. The tremendous love i have for him, the tremendous belief that i have in him, the faith i have in him? I also want to let him know of my testimony of our Savior, and how important it is that he has the testimony and faith to turn the Lord in times of trial, and to stay close to Him always. I just don't know what to say or how to say it.
Here is the best i could come up with...Alma 37:35-37,47.
What do you say when you know you are saying good bye to your son, before you are ready to say good bye?
He did not choose to move to Idaho when we first moved there in 2004. He was "drug". We had been praying for a long time for a change when the option for Idaho was put before us. When we left Idaho in 2007, he again was "drug". So to be perfectly honest i am surprised it took him 5 months from high school graduation to tell us he was moving back. heck i would move back too if i could.
Here is my dilemma. what do you say to your son when you only have 5 days left with him.
I cried all thru church today, KNOWING it would be the last time i sat with him. As i watched the young mother in front of me struggle with her boys, i longed for those "simpler days". I wish i had treasured them more. Noah is the little boy who often sits in front of us. He is 2. my family hangs on to his every word. After church we share our favorite Noahisms on the way home and all thru out dinner. Why did i not hang on every word of Daniels?
Dan and i have always been opposites. I hate a "scary" ride he loves them. I have never been comfortable in my own skin, i have never been sure of myself. i have never been confident.
Daniel is his own person. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and usually how to get it. Much like the prophet Daniel, my Daniel stands up for what he believes in, doesn't allow others to bully or intimidate him or anyone he cares about. Daniel is the kind of person I think the Savior would have been. for example, Dan has many friends who use language i do not feel comfortable with. I cannot be around this type of language for it seriously hurts my soul. Daniel is not offended by others lack of knowledge. I do not say anything to people who use offensive language out of fear of ridicule. Daniel doesn't say things to his friends because he believes he can be a good example, as the Savior would. I come from the teachings of being around that type of talk can drag you down, Daniel believes he can build people up. I am so proud of him. Often times I wish i could be more like him.
We are so different though, that i know he wont be back. He may be back for a night here or there, but he won't be back. There is a poem that says "a daughter's your daughter all of your life. A son's only a son until he takes a wife." My mom tells me this is true. I know my brother does not do near as much with our family as he does with his wife's family and we do not do near as much with Earl's family as we do with mine. (in my defence Earls family doesn't have a lot of traditions or get togethers.) I KNOW i only have one Sunday night, one Monday night, one Tuesday night, one Wednesday night and one Thursday night left with him. I am making a huge assumption that he will be home these nights and not out saying goodbye to his friends here.
With only five nights left. what do i say to him that will be most meaningful? What do I say to him that won't offend him. (If I say to him read your scriptures every day, and say your prayers morning and night, he will think I don't think he is already doing it. When really I just want him to know I have learned it's important.)
I have made so many mistakes in my life that i don't think he will want to hear what i have to say. He has an amazing memory and he can recall every time i was wrong, misjudged, jumped to a hasty conclusion, reacted when i should have acted. spoke when i should have listened, criticized when i should have comforted. I should have had more faith and been home more for him.
I have been thinking a lot to today about the chapters of Nephi and Alma, where Lehi and Alma are saying good bye to their families. What can i say to Daniel that will let him believe what i feel for him. The tremendous love i have for him, the tremendous belief that i have in him, the faith i have in him? I also want to let him know of my testimony of our Savior, and how important it is that he has the testimony and faith to turn the Lord in times of trial, and to stay close to Him always. I just don't know what to say or how to say it.
Here is the best i could come up with...Alma 37:35-37,47.
What do you say when you know you are saying good bye to your son, before you are ready to say good bye?
5 comments:
Tasha, All you need to say is "I love you son." You and Earl have raised him well, let him go and have faith that the Lord will continue to guide him.
Aunt Mary
Say "thank you". Thank you for growing up and and being willing to forge your own life, rooted in the gospel and that he can always come home. Don't be afraid for your strong son. He will make it. He might get a few nicks and cuts along the way, but it will only make him stronger. Your not letting go of him and he is not letting go of you, just the natural progression of life. I am sure it is hard, to not be able to protect and comfort. Once he has a few trials, he will call and tell you "Thanks".
Your aunt is very wise. That is what I was going to say - tell him you love him and you believe in him. Tell him you will always be there for him. (realizing that at least for a while there probably won't be many of those times...)
This sure pulls at a mama's heartstrings, doesn't it?! If I were there, I'd give you a big hug and we'd cry and laugh together.
Use facebook, etc as another means of communication. I started when Ryan went to college.
I also told myself over and over again that this is what I wanted for my kids. That I didn't raise, teach, and guide them just to be unproductive and live in my basement when they're 30. I want them to be independent and find happiness on their own.
I will face this again when Jeff graduates, and then when Ryan and Jeff leave on missions... And yet again with the girls... *sigh*
Boy, it's hard to put this in practice and tell your heart it's okay to let go of your baby... Although I'm very grateful my parents learned to do this for me.
Love you, Tasha!
I'm firmly on the "I love you and am proud of you" (and nothing else, unless moved upon by the Holy Ghost) bandwagon. You've done the best you could do, and that will be enough.
Oh, and I'd tell him to read my blog. (*grin* - j/k)
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