Who so loved the world that he gave his own life, that as many as would believe...D&C 34:3

The last few years have been a real struggle for me. (I am bearing more of my soul today then I usually do but its for a reason. I hope to be able to do justice to the gratitude I have for my Heavenly Father.) All I ever wanted to do or be was a Mom. I wanted to be the kind of Mom my foster mom's were to me. I wanted to give my kids a safe home that was filled with gospel teachings and love for Our Savior Jesus Christ. I honestly feel like I have failed miserably.
I should have been more patient, I should have spoke in soft tones, I should have had more faith in trying times.
The last few years I have watched my sons struggle with their testimonies. I have watched my daughter struggle with her identity.I have watched all my children struggle with the belief that prayers for them are answered. As a mom I just want to fix all of that for them. When we made the move from Idaho back to Utah I had hoped it would get better but for me it has only gotten harder. One son quit going to church all together, the other moved out, one daughter struggles more with finding herself now more than before because she compares herself to her cousin here and my other daughter is having a hard time fitting in. I live with my husband now but feel more alone than when i didn't and for the first time ever in my life my faith has waivered.
Today in Sacrament meeting as the meeting began I felt even more alone then ever and as the Sacrament hymn began I really wanted to get up and leave! As I forced myself to sing the words to the hymn the most overwhelming feeling of love and comfort totally enveloped me. I found myself in tears, but singing the hymn with more conviction than I had sung in years.

God loves us so he sent His Son
Christ Jesus the atoning One
To show us by the path He trod
The one and only way to God.

He came as man , though Son of God
And bowed Himself beneath the rod
He died in holy innocence,
A broken law to recompense

Oh love effulgent, love divine!
What debt of gratiude is mine,
That in His offering I have part
And hold a place within His heart!

I am eternally grateful for the opportunity today to feel the Spirit so warmly and so strong today. I am also grateful for the reminder that even when we lack faith in ourselves He NEVER lacks faith in us!
I don't know how things will work out or where i go from here but I know I havea renewed strength to go on. The closing story in Relief Society was this from President Eyring's talk this last conference during the Preisthood session.

"For instance, President Thomas S. Monson remembered the promised words of the Savior as he blessed me six months ago to stand fearlessly in my calling when it seemed hard. These words of the Savior, which He gave to His tiny band of priesthood holders in this dispensation, came to the prophet’s mind as he laid his hands on my head: “And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”1
The promise which President Monson remembered and quoted was fulfilled for me. Confidence replaced doubt, the Spirit came, medical helpers were inspired, my life was preserved, and I was borne up. Because of that blessing by President Monson, it will always be easy for me to remember the Savior and trust His promise that He goes before and beside us in His service.
I know that the promise of angels to bear us up is real. You might want to bring to memory the assurance of Elisha to his frightened servant. That assurance is ours when we feel close to being overwhelmed in our service. Elisha faced real and terrible opposition:

“And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?
“And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.
“And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.”
Like that servant of Elisha, there are more with you than those you can see opposed to you. Some who are with you will be invisible to your mortal eyes. The Lord will bear you up"

So many of you have been there to bear me up. I express my gratitude to you too.